Dating Your Skating Partner Is a Bad Idea
More than one of the pairs skaters are real-life couples. This is simply a bad idea. A miscue on the Olympic ice can handicap you in relationship arguments for life.
"I'm sick of visiting your mother every Sunday!"
"Well … I'm sick of not having a gold medal because someone couldn't land their triple toe loop!!!"
A Big Mac Is Not a Performance Enhancer
McDonald's has been advertising that they are the "only official restaurant of the Olympic Games." Right. Because a 20-piece McNuggets meal is just what these finely-tuned athletes need before a physical challenge.
In fact, why stop at McDonald's?
How about this? "Jose Cuervo, the official tequila of the Olympic Games." Or this: "Virginia Slims, the official cigarette of the Olympic Games."
Team USA Will Have Several New Members Nine Months From Now
There are thousands of attractive athletes living right on top of each other in Vancouver's Olympic Village with nothing to do after their events have concluded. Now I might be going out on a limb here, but in nine months, I'd bet there are several babies born out there with killer athletic genes.
Wayne Gretzky Will Never Be President of Canada
Although he is the Great One, he will never be the president of Canada — mostly because Canada apparently doesn't have a president.
As I watch the Olympics played literally just miles from the U.S. border, I realize I know more about the Kardashian family than I do about our neighbors to the north.
Do you think there is anyone over the age of 10 in Canada who doesn't know who President Barack Obama is? Or George Washington, Richard Nixon or George W. Bush, for that matter?
Yet if you asked 100 random Americans who the head of the Canadian government is, I bet you'd get maybe one who could give you as much as, "Oh, he's that guy with the good hair who likes hockey."
For the record, he's Prime Minister Stephen Harper, a member of the newly reconstituted Conservative Party (my thanks to our friends at Google for that).
Now you just need to figure out that whole metric system and you're well on your way to being one of the Mounties, eh?
Mother Nature Plays Favorites
Lindsey Vonn, whose shin injury could compromise her bid for five gold medals in the Vancouver Games, caught a break when Mother Nature put her events on hold. The poor weather conditions for Alpine skiing have delayed some of her events and have given her extra time to heal.
It's about time the tall blond with cover-girl looks and a world-class athletic body finally caught a break.
The Olympics Are No Place for Amateurs
It is exciting to see professional hockey players competing in the Olympic Games again. Honestly, where else in North America could you see Evgeni Malkin, Alexander Ovechkin, Sidney Crosby, Jarome Iginla and Joe Thornton all compete in one league against each other?
I just wish that they were playing for something bigger than just a gold medal. Perhaps a giant silver trophy or cup or something.
I'm an Expert in Freestyle Skiing
The Winter Games are superior to their summer counterpart because you'll see events that make you wonder how they became sports. But, after watching about 15 minutes of coverage of said events, you're an expert.
My first time watching freestyle mogul skiing, I couldn't figure out how the event was simultaneously timed and judged. Then, the numbers are combined with some QB-rating-like formula to determine the winner.
But then, by the medal round, I was yelling at my screen: "Come on! Your knees are too far apart and you need to take a tighter line or you'll never have enough momentum off the jump!"
I Still Hate the French Judge
Why did they stop showing the individual scores of the figure skating judges by country?
I miss having ill will toward an entire nation because their judge gave the American skater a score of 0.1 lower than the other judges in the ladies' short program.
Al Michaels is Fat
Wow, I never noticed how fat Al Michaels has become.
"Do you believe in Miracle Whip?! Yes!"
It wasn't until he came out from behind the anchor desk — like they used to do with the actress that played Claire Huxtable when she was pregnant — that I noticed the giant kitchen on Michaels.
Looking at a rotund Michaels sitting on the "up close and personal" interview couch on the NBC set, you have to ask yourself, just how many times has he visited the official restaurant of the Olympic Games?
