No matter how the rest of Chad Ochocinco‘s career pans out, the sports world will forever owe him a debt of gratitude for introducing “Spanglish” — an Americanized version of the Spanish language — to jerseys.
Until Chad Johnson changed his name to reflect his jersey number in 2008, famous people had changed their names to reflect religious beliefs (Cassius Clay to Muhammad Ali) and to force the use of a nickname (Marvin Hagler to Marvelous Marvin Hagler). Never before had anyone attempted the ever-dangerous incorrect translation of his uniform number.
As anyone who took 10th-grade Spanish knows, 85 is “ochenta y cinco,” not “ochocinco.” He would have been a little closer with his aborted plan to change his name to “Chad Hachi Go,” just a syllable off from the Japanese word for 85, “hachijuu go.”
Why stop with just Ochocinco, though? As he’s shown, you don’t even have to use the correct translation for this to work. Just get a list of the first 10 digits of a language and go nuts.
Wouldn’t it be great to root for Red Sox captain Jason TresTres, Celtics forward Kevin Fünf or Patriots quarterback Tom IsaDalawa? The upcoming Super Bowl could be re-branded Super Bowl Diez Cincuenta Cinco Uno, which would actually be an improvement over the Roman numeral system.
Ochocinco makes a reception and advances to the CincoCero yard line.
“He can swing the bat.”
— One major league executive, requesting anonymity, to discuss Red Sox acquisition Mike Aviles. Good call asking for anonymity on this one, whoever you are; you wouldn’t want your fellow execs to know it was you who made such a profound observation.
Don’t be so distressed. Ubaldo Jimenez is still available. Oh, wait …
Dear Logan Morrison: It’s just a Praying mantis. It’s harmless … unless … you’re a male Praying mantis. Hmm. WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, LOGAN??!!??