Stop being such a loafer, Kobe Bryant. You're away from home half the time during the season, and then you spend a whole bunch of other time practicing, training and doing commercials for your sponsors, all so you can make a few million dollars a year. The least you could do is win a championship every single season, slacker.
Bryant's wife, Vanessa Bryant, who filed for divorce last winter, apparently believes in holding her husband to this not-at-all unreasonable standard. In an upcoming New York magazine interview, Vanessa Bryant explains that for all the time Bryant spends away from his family, he hasn't won a title in two whole years.
"I certainly would not want to be married to somebody that can't win championships," Vanessa Bryant is quoted as saying in a tweet by Nicki Jhabvala. "If you're sacrificing time away from my family and myself for the benefit of winning championships, then winning a championship should happen every single year."
By Vanessa's logic, Bryant, who has won only five championships in 16 years, joins a long list of freeloaders that includes Michael Jordan (who won only six titles in 15 years), Sam Jones (a mere 10 rings in 12 years) and Bill Russell (a paltry 11 rings in 13 years). Really, fellas, if you can't win a championship every single year, you should just quit and go play with your kids.
Knicks chest bump to Basketball Jones.