NESN

Cowboys to Sell ‘Jerry Wipes’ in Honor of Jerry Jones’ Personal Glasses Cleaner

Jerry Jones owns the most valuable franchise in all of the NFL, has more money than he could burn at a Burning Man festival and to top it all off, he’s got a “personal assistant” to clean his glasses.

Well, that final item might make Jones’ stack of cash grow even larger soon. As it turns out, Jones’ son-in-law Shy Anderson, the glasses cleaner seen on Wednesday, is also the creator of the special lens wipes, and he’s planning to market the now famous product, according to The Dallas Morning News.

Anderson has designed and ordered some customized eyeglass cleaning wipes that read “Jerry Wipes” on them

“They can also be used for spontaneous shoe shining, if necessary,” Anderson said, and he’s not joking.

“Absolutely,” Anderson continued, “It started out as a joke, but let’s see how far we can take it.”

The incident, which rattled off a chain of YouTube headlines that drew disbelief, was apparently all prompted by Anderson, in fact. Anderson explained the situation as being a simple misunderstanding, and mentioned that Jones never meant for him to clean the glasses.

“Jerry never talks to anybody during the game,” Anderson said. “He is so
focused. But he started asking, ‘Where’s [Jason] Witten?’ I was looking over his
shoulder and I could see his glasses were completely smudged. I said, ‘Seriously, Jerry? Let me see your glasses.’ I actually had an eyeglass
cloth in my pocket.”

It looks like all the flack that Jones was taking for the perceived moment of one-percenterdom was actually unjustly bestowed in the first place. Oh well, now we can all just go back to complaining about Jones’ luxury jets, private islands and Scrooge McDuck-like swimming pools full of money.

Photo of the night

Don’t worry, he’s a doctor.

Photo via Twitter/@Orioles

Tweet of the night

Does this count as inspirational?

Bad news: doc says I might be one of those people who posts motivational nonsense all day on Facebook now

— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) September 11, 2012

Quote of the night

“A lot of teams do a great job of winning the summer, but I never get so
antsy about what happens over the summer. I just want to know what
happens during the season.”
– Mark Cuban on the Lakers and Nets being predicted as big favorites next season

Video of the night

Wait! There’s a Brian Scalabrine highlight tape? Get the popcorn, this is pure gold.