With the firing of Chris Mussman last month, the University of North Dakota is currently without a football coach.
Enter Christopher McCoumas, an IT professional at Marshall University with no coaching experience and zero ties to North Dakota. He does, however, have extensive virtual experience with Madden and NCAA Football and a desire to run a never-punt, always-blitz game plan, all of which he details in a highly entertaining job application.
Here’s the letter McCoumas sent to UND athletic director Brian Faison regarding the position, as obtained by the Grand Forks Herald.
I would like to express to you my interest in your now open position for head coach of football at the University of North Dakota
Currently, I work in IT at a college in West Virginia, but I have many years of experience with football, starting with attending my first Marshall University football game when I was 3 years old. In the past 30 years I’ve only missed a handful of Marshall’s home games, attended many road games, and all of their bowl games.
All the while I played various football games including Madden on Sega Genesis where I completely dominated with the Bills and Thurman Thomas. Seriously, was he a beast on the game or was he a beast because I was a football genius controlling him? I then moved on to a Playstation gaming system and purchased NCAA Football every year and put together several programs that completely dominated the recruiting scene and college football winning several national titles with Marshall University. I took them from a decent Mid-American Conference School on the game to a perennial national power that makes Nick Saban look like a chump. One year my third string quarterback left school early to enter the NFL Draft, he was a first round pick. Boom.
My football philosophy is basically an attacking one. We’re going to give AIR RAID a whole new definition. Theoretically how many times do you think a team can pass in a game? Challenge accepted. We’re going 5 wide, chucking the pigskin all over the place. Never punt. Onside every time. Chip Kelly will be calling me to learn my offense. We will put on an exciting brand of football, we will pack them into the Alerus Center night in and night out, go ahead and blow the roof off the place and add about 35,000 seats to that place.
I would love to speak with you further regarding this opening and what I can bring to UND, putting UND back on the national map and making NDSU our (b****).
Attached to this email you will find a PowerPoint with more information.
PS – I prefer Coke to Pepsi, so go ahead and fill the fridge up in the head coach’s office with Coke.”
McCoumas also attached a nine-slide PowerPoint presentation, which the Grand Forks Herald was also able to get a hold of, detailing his coaching strategy. Check out some of the highlights below.
Even though there’s about a 90 percent chance McCoumas is joking with all of this, his team sure would be a fun one to watch.