It’s February, and Tom Brady should be able to live his life just like any other red-blooded American, but it’s a little crazy that the guy who doesn’t eat strawberries or nightshades is out in Montana risking his body on ski jumps.
But good for the New England Patriots quarterback. Everything he does in life is to make himself a better quarterback. So maybe Brady’s body coach, Alex Guerrero, is testing the quarterback’s pliability by making him wipe out on ski jumps. Perhaps this is all on purpose, and Blake Bortles and Jared Goff should go to remote skiing locations and try the same thing right after a deep tissue massage, resistance band workouts, drinking straight electrolytes, wearing fancy pajamas and eating avocado ice cream while staying the hell away from tomatoes and mushrooms (can you imagine?!).
I also appreciate Brady giving Patriots fans a heart attack each offseason with ski jumps, cliff dives and black-diamond ski slopes.
Let’s get into another offseason mailbag.
@DougKyed BB trades Brady to Browns for 1st&12th pick,dumps Gronk to SF for #2 & a 2nd. Says ‘best for team.” Jimmy G era begins. Come at me
— @MrQuindazzi
The craziest part about this scenario is the San Francisco 49ers trading the second overall pick and a second-rounder for tight end Rob Gronkowski. Unfortunately for the Patriots, he doesn’t hold that much value at this point.
That’s not to say the Brady portion isn’t crazy too. If Bill Belichick were 10 years younger, then maybe he’d do that. And while I definitely think the coach can’t help but plan for the future, I also believe Brady gives the Patriots the best chance to win in 2017, 2018 and maybe even 2019, based on how well he played this season.
Anything is possible with the Patriots, but I can’t see them trading Brady this offseason. Maybe next year if they keep Garoppolo?
@DougKyed #MailDoug Should the Pats start Gronk on PUP and not activate him until week 8ish?
— @MrQuindazzi
Yeah, that’s right. I’m going with back-to-back questions from Mr. Q.
It’s not the worst idea, and it really depends on how Gronkowski is feeling by the end of July. That’s five months away. With Gronk, he could be 100 percent healthy by then or have suffered three more injuries.
I don’t hate the idea of saving Gronkowski for the playoffs, but if they were to hold him out for half the season, they would need a really, really solid backup tight end, which probably would mean re-signing Martellus Bennett. I don’t think the Patriots can count on a free agent off the street or a rookie to replicate Gronkowski’s production for that long.
@DougKyed if you could steal any player from any team , who would be and why?
— @TuniKs7
That’s a really good question. I would have gone with J.J. Watt before this season. But given Watt’s history of back injuries, I’m no longer sure he’s the most valuable player in the NFL not named Tom Brady.
Antonio Brown and Julio Jones came to mind, but I don’t think a wide receiver like that has as much value on the Patriots. I’d probably go with Khalil Mack, Aaron Donald or Von Miller. Let’s go with Donald since he’s the youngest of the bunch. Imagine Donald and Trey Flowers rushing from the inside.
#maildoug IMO, the #patriots need a more consistent run game. LGB doesn’t do that…just business. Who can make this run game consistent?
— @Millerxxxvi
I think the Patriots should use a draft pick on a running back and hope he can contribute right away. And if he can’t, Blount likely will stick around for another year.
We’ll know who fits best after the NFL Scouting Combine, but I have my eye on Samaje Perine, D’Onta Foreman, Corey Clement and James Conner for now.
@DougKyed Not sure if there’s a mailbag coming up, but do you think there’s a chance DJ Foster takes Bolden’s spot this year?
— @tony_yassa95
His roster spot? Maybe. His role? No.
If the Patriots thought Foster could be a Bolden-esque special teams player, then he would have been active more this season. I wouldn’t be shocked if Foster is stored on the Patriots’ roster for another year, however. They obviously valued him highly enough in 2016 to keep him on the active roster rather than on the practice squad for most of the season. It would be worth keeping him around in case James White walks as a free agent after the 2017 season.
The third-down back role is so important in the Patriots’ offense that it’s not unusual for them to keep multiple players of that type around.
@DougKyed Is there any reason to think Elandon can improve in coverage? If so what’s his ceiling? And if not do we need to draft a cover LB?
— @tony_yassa95
I think Elandon Roberts can improve in coverage, but I’m not sure by how much. If he can’t significantly improve, then his ceiling is Brandon Spikes, and that certainly has value in the Patriots’ defense.
Roberts is a downhill player who can absolutely blow up offensive linemen. Roberts is faster and smaller than Spikes, but he brings the same type of power and explosion.
Let’s go rapid fire.
@DougKyed what was your first ride at Disney?
— @PP_Rich_Hill
I went to Disney World for the first time Monday (no days off). I’ve been to Disneyland more times than I can count, so being in Magic Kingdom was like a bizarro world. To answer the question, it was Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor because we hadn’t gotten fast passes yet, and it was the first attraction we saw.
All in all, Magic Kingdom was cool. I’ll always like Disneyland more.
@PP_Rich_Hill @DougKyed can you compare possible Pats FA targets to rides at Disney please?
— @JMBosworth
How about just free agents in general?
Big Thunder Mountain Railroad: Melvin Ingram (because he plays for the Chargers, and thunder is the sound caused by lightning)
Splash Mountain: Alshon Jeffery (because it would be a splash signing)
Space Mountain: Brandon Williams (because he eats up space)
Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor: Mario Williams (because it would be funny if the Patriots signed him, and he became a useful player again)
Pirates of the Caribbean: Alterraun Verner (Buccaneers are pirates)
The Haunted Mansion: Mike Glennon (he just kind of looks like a ghost, I guess)
Wishes Nighttime Spectacular fireworks: Jason Pierre-Paul (sorry)
Seven Dwarfs Mine Train: Kawann Short (Short, dwarfs. Yeah, sorry again)
The Magic Carpets of Aladdin: Jimmy Garoppolo (OK, he’s not a free agent, but he looks like Aladdin, and now I’m just trying too hard)
It’s A Small World: DeMarcus Ware (he’s been as annoying as that song to the Patriots over the last few years?)
The Hall of Presidents: Woodrow Hamilton (once again, not a free agent)
Dumbo the Flying Elephant: Eddie Lacy (sorry)
Tomorrowland Transit Authority People Mover: Dontari Poe (he moves people?)
OK, that was fun.
@DougKyed would you trade Jimmy G for a 2nd?
— @NouEngland1
No.
Is this Mike Maccagnan tweeting at me again? You know I’m not the Patriots’ general manager, right? Please leave me alone, Mike.
@DougKyed WHY DID YOU CHANGE YOUR PROFILE PIC #MAILDOUG
— @zlehan91101
It was time for a change. Also, it’s the offseason, and the offseason warrants a Hawaiian shirt.
@DougKyed Can you please put me in your mailbag #maildoug
— @beaubrady9
No.
Just kidding.
@DougKyed Favorite named player in the draft not based on skill? It’s Corn Elder for me. #MailDoug
— @StephenPorier
Corn Elder is tough to top. Corn Elder sounds like an old Nebraskan, by the way, not a cornerback.
Malik Hooker is fun. So is Younghoe Koo. Teez Tabor is a great name with alliteration. Taco Charlton sounds like a dance, maybe? Forrest Lamp is kind of a spooky name. It’s disappointing Tyus Bowser isn’t a pass-rushing defensive tackle. Jake Butt is the perfect name for a tight end. Jeremy Sprinkle made me laugh and think of a cupcake ATM. Fish Smithson is a fake name someone gave in a pet store. Gage Steele is an American Gladiator. King Frazier is how Kelsey Grammar felt in 1996.
I’ll go with Fish Smithson, because I don’t think it will ever make me not laugh.
@DougKyed Does pineapple belong on pizza? We need answers.
— @joshuajturano
I like a pineapple and bacon (not Canadian bacon — that’s just a fancy term for ham) pizza.
And if you don’t, that’s cool, too. There’s no need to be a jerk and ban it from your country, Guðni Jóhannesson.
@DougKyed #MailDoug Biggie Smalls or Tupac?
— @salvaje50
2Pac.
@DougKyed Sup? #MailDoug
— @June__NYC
I’m finishing up the mailbag after getting caught in a pretty lengthy YouTube deep dive that took me from watching clips of “Dirty Work” and “Hot Rod” to somehow taking a turn to listening to mid-80s The Damned songs and finishing up with a lot of music I liked when I was 19.
“Dirty Work” and “Hot Rod” are comedic masterpieces.
@DougKyed would NE fans officially forgive @nflcommish if he literally kisses Kraft’s rings on the big screen at home opener? #MailDoug
— @DTOM_Vape
Nope.
Wait, did you mean like, on top of the big screen? Then maybe.
@DougKyed what Boston team will win a championship next ?
— @Northeast_Nate
Probably the Patriots.
@DougKyed if BB decides to oneup Danny Ainge & break twitter with a trade, who do the Patriots trade Gronk for?
—Â @petemrogers
Jimmy Butler, maybe?
@DougKyed what are your ideal toppings for a hamburger? #mAiLdOuG
— @JeffWIIM
Jeff, that’s an impossible question.
I COULD say cheddar, mustard, ketchup, pickles and onions.
Or I could be fancy and say bacon, blue cheese and garlic aioli.
I also like onion rings and onion strings on my burgers. I can live without lettuce, and I’m not a big tomato guy.
Thumbnail photo via Robert Deutsch/USA TODAY Sports Images
