Kenny Florian

OK, probably not.  But somebody has been periodically stealing Florian’s athletic cup from Florian Martial Arts Center in Brookline, Mass, the fighter told bleacherreport.com

Florian is scheduled to go up against Maynard in a lightweight matchup as part of UFC 118 on Aug. 28 at TD Garden. The event is the first UFC has held in Massachusetts and marks the first time Boston-native Florian will fight in his hometown.

In between bouts, Florian is known for hosting MMA Live and also commentating WEC and UFC events. To prepare for fights, Florian takes six weeks off from extra-curricular activities beforehand, to focus.

With the fight just a few weeks away, he’s in business mode.

Perhaps a Maynard fan wants to throw Florian off his game by stealing his gear. Or, maybe an admirer just wants a piece of their favorite fighter.

"It’s a little scary," Florian told bleacherreport.com. "For whatever reason, it’s been disappearing every once in a while. We made this announcement, 'Whoever is taking this cup. It belongs to Kenny.'"

Whether it’s the act of a creepy stalker, or somebody simply clowning around, Florian isn’t sure. But, he won’t let the "cup bandit" distract him from training for his upcoming return to the octagon.

In other news, Terry Francona praises Ryan Kalish, Maria Menounos discusses divine intervention, and Phil Mickelson tries not to eat meat.

"We’re not sure who it is. It may be Gray Maynard coming in and stealing my cup. We just want to figure it out … I don’t know if they’re using it as an oxygen mask or praying to it at night, who knows, but it’s been in and around my crotch. Congratulations to whoever has it."
–Kenny Florian, discussing his stolen athletic cup

"I remember when I was inducted into the Hall of Fame and they gave me my Hall of Fame yellow blazer. I wore it for two straight days. Finally my wife was in bed and said she wanted to make love but that I had to take the coat off. I refused and kept the blazer on because I wanted to perform like a Hall of Famer on the field and off."
–Michael Irvin, in the Chicago Tribune, claiming to have had sex while wearing his Hall of Fame jacket

"I just think if they're healthy, the discrepancy between their talent level and the next level is so great, that I just don't see how they lose games. I think they're that good."
–Jeff Van Gundy, on ESPN.com, giving his take on the Miami Heat’s potential next season

"When this kid gets some at-bats under his belt, it’s scary what he might do. He’s so strong mentally. I mean, this kid gets it. He’s got one speed and that’s all out."
–Red Sox manager Terry Francona, on WEEI.com, referring to Ryan Kalish’s recent success

"I'll beat you in whatever it is, buddy. Whatever it is. Rowing, swimming, baseball, whatever. Just let me know the time and place."
–Shaquille O’Neal challenging WEEI radio co-host Michael Holley to athletic competition

"Little-known fact about me: I'm either the Jordan, Magic, Russell or Bird of backgammon. Nobody should ever play me for money. It should be illegal."
–Bill Simmons, on ESPN.com, educating readers on his unique talents

"I don’t know how it happened. But it was hard for him to get away from
me. It was like God said to me, 'You are going to be a football star
today,' and I was. I caught it every time. I swear I could have lifted a
house that day."
–Maria Menounos, on NESN.com, explaining how
she earned MVP
honors at the Madden NFL Pigskin Pro-am

"People felt the margin was so great that he could roll out of bed, almost literally, and put away anybody else in the world, including Gay. People are now like, 'You know what? Maybe not.'"
–Television analyst and former sprinter Ato Boldon, in the AP, on Usain Bolt’s dominance before losing to Tyson Gay

"I was washing my face this morning and as i looked in the mirror, i was like damn you ain't the finest but you handsome as [expletive]"
–Chad Ochocinco, via Twitter, on his dashing good looks

"If it will somehow keep this in remission or stop it from coming back, yeah, I'll be able to do it. But I haven't put it to the real test. The real test is driving by a Five Guys and not stopping."
–Golfer and burger-lover Phil Mickelson, in the AP, on becoming vegetarian to try to curb his arthritis

Mets manager Jerry Manuel overlooked Rodriguez in the eighth inning of Wednesday’s game, electing to bring in Manny Acosta instead. The decision backfired, and Acosta allowed yet another late lead slip away, giving up a two-out grand slam to Melvin Mora in a 6-2 loss to the Rockies.

After the game, Rodriguez was none too pleased with Manuel’s decision.

"Did I [bleeping] pitch?" Rodriguez snapped at reporters, according to the New York Post. "Why should I talk to you guys?

Shortly thereafter, he was arrested and charged with third-degree assault for allegedly getting into a physical altercation with his father-in-law outside the Mets clubhouse.

The father-in-law suffered facial abrasions and was taken to the hospital, the New York Daily News reports.

Rodriguez’ involvement in the assault hasn’t been proven, but if it’s true, the Mets have a whole new problem on their hands.

His temper is no secret. He’s already had a confrontation with bullpen coach Randy Niemann this year. And with the current state of the Mets, it’s no wonder Rodriguez would be frustrated. But if he’s found guilty of the assault, he could be suspended, forcing the Mets to play without him. In fact, he could be suspended anyway for the arrest.

Rodriguez’s emotions run high, and his volatility isn’t ideal for any clubhouse. But for all of his faults, he’s a key part of the team. Rodriguez currently has an ERA of 2.25 and ranks seventh in the NL in saves, with 25.

The Mets don’t have much hope this season. They are currently nine-and-a-half games behind NL East-leading Atlanta and eight games behind wild card-leading San Francisco. The offense is in a slump, and the team clearly can’t depend on the bullpen. Losing Rodriguez to a suspension could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back for this flailing franchise.

Perhaps having no Rodriguez at all is worse than having to deal with Rodriguez’ tantrums.

The 2009 Dolphins were stacked in the running game with Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams, but the attack lacked a bona fide receiver.

The addition of Marshall will not only fill that void, but could bolster the running game as well, by redirecting opposing defenses’ attention.

Opponents will have to account for Marshall, covering or double-covering him to avoid getting beat downfield. This is good news for the Dolphins, as it prevents opposing teams from devoting all their energy and players to stopping the run.

Marshall gives Miami more options, and redirects opposing team’s defensive focuses, transforming the offense from one-dimensional to versatile. And if there’s one word the Dolphins’ Wildcat offense likes, it’s "versatile."

Head coach Tony Sparano isn’t sure how Marshall’s presence will affect other team’s game plans, according to the Miami Herald. And perhaps the mystery will translate to a good thing.

"I don't really know how these people are going to look at us," Sparano told the Herald. "I would anticipate most people will say, 'We're not going to let Brandon Marshall beat us.' But last year the philosophy was, 'We're not going to let Ricky and Ronnie beat us.' So I'm not sure how they're going to look at us right now. They might say, 'Well, prove to us that Brandon is going to beat us.' Or it might still be, 'Prove to us that Ricky and Ronnie can beat us.'"

Either way, Brandon Marshall is an invaluable asset to next season’s Dolphins.

Shaquille O’Neal has gone up against his fair share of big men, but not all of these matchups have been on the hardwood.

In July of 2009, O’Neal made a guest appearance as host for WWE’s Monday Night Raw, but things turned physical when the Big Show taunted Shaq into the ring.

The fight started with a couple of shoves back and forth, but quickly intensified when the Big Show grabbed Shaq by the neck. The then-Cavaliers big man countered by grabbing the Big Show’s neck.

After a few seconds, the stand-off was broken up and O’Neal made his move. He charged at the Big Show, knocking him out of the ring.

Hopefully for the Celtics, Shaq brings that same intensity to the court in Boston.

NESN.com will showcase one Moment of Shaq every day until the Celtics open the season against the Heat on Oct. 26 at the TD Garden.

Wednesday, Aug. 11: Shaq wears pink bikini after losing exhibition boxing match to Shane Mosley.

On Monday night, an Astros fan went up to catch a Chris Johnson foul ball but completely missed it, allowing the ball to travel past his hands and smack his date in the elbow.

"As soon as we got here and I saw where we were sitting, I said 'Baby, we're going to get hit,'" the woman, identified as Sarah, told the broadcast crew during the game. "He said, 'No, I'll catch it if you do.' We just had this conversation and sure enough, the ball comes at me. He just bailed."

Her date defended himself, saying, "The ball was coming up and I was going to catch it and it was in the lights and I lost track of it."

Watch his failed attempt in the video below.

According to the New York Daily News, while the New Meadowlands Stadium is the site of the NFL’s first cold-weather Super Bowl, the Garden State will only end up getting a small portion of the profits.

In a Sports Management Research Institute study, the Super Bowl is projected to bring in $594 million, but only three to 10 percent of what visitors spend will actually end up in New Jersey.

But it will create more jobs for New Jersey, right? As it turns out, New York has the edge there too.

According to the study, the Super Bowl would create almost 7,300 full-time jobs and of those, between 6,500 and 7,020 would benefit the Big Apple.

Teams and members of the media will stay in New Jersey at inflated hotel rates, bringing in about $20 million. But the rest of the money comes from visitors to Super Bowl week activities, almost all of which would be in New York.

The NFL can help New Jersey out by holding its NFL Experience fan festival in the state. According to the study, the festival would generate nearly $40 million worth of business.

Vermont had a 3-1 lead with two outs in the bottom of the fifth, when New Hampshire’s Justin Lent smashed a three-run homer to put his team ahead, 4-3.

New Hampshire finishes group play at 2-2 and will advance to the regional semifinals. With the loss, Vermont fell to 1-3, but could still advance if Connecticut beats Massachusetts. The game will air on NESN at 1 p.m.

On Tuesday’s episode of Shaq Vs., O’Neal went toe-to-toe with “Sugar” Shane Mosley in an exhibition boxing match.

Shaq trained for the fight with Manny Pacquiao’s trainer, Freddie Roach, but Mosley’s skill proved too much for the big man to overcome. After five rounds in the ring, the 5-foot-8 Mosley defeated the 7-foot-1 Celtics center in a close but unanimous decision.

Before the bout, the always confident Shaq promised to walk around Caesar’s Palace in a pink bikini if he lost. Much to the delight of hotel guests, he kept his word.

NESN.com will showcase one Moment of Shaq every day until the Celtics open the season against the Heat on Oct. 26 at the TD Garden.

Tuesday, Aug. 10: Shaq brings words new words like “horri-awful” to Boston.

In a 2008 interview with Craig Sager, the big man showcased his trademark sense of humor.

When he was asked what he planned to do to improve his game, Shaq didn’t miss a beat with the quick-witted reply “buy you a new jacket,” referring to Sager’s typically outlandish wardrobe choices.

Asked what his beef with the jacket was, Shaq couldn’t pick just one word so he responded with a mixture of horrible and awful, coining the term “horri-awful.”

NESN.com will showcase one Moment of Shaq every day until the Celtics open the season against the Heat on Oct. 26 at the TD Garden.

Monday, Aug. 9: Shaq catches criminals and masquerades as an underage girl online.

According to ESPN.com’s predicted standings for the Eastern Conference in the the 2010-11 season, the Heat will easily come out on top in the regular season.

But analyst Jeff Van Gundy likes the Celtics’ chances in the postseason. Van Gundy told ESPN Radio that while LeBron James and Co. will be difficult to beat, the Celtics are one of only two teams in the NBA with the talent to give the newly revamped Heat a run for their money.

"I think Boston — with the [Shaquille] O'Neal signing — has a legitimate chance as well [as the Lakers]," Van Gundy told ESPN Radio. "But I think those are the only two teams that have a chance in a playoff series to beat them."

Brady spent his day off on Sunday playing a round of golf with Robert Kraft and was seen chatting happily with the owner on the field after practice the next day, the Boston Herald reports.

Amid rumors that their relationship has been strained lately, nothing seemed further from the truth.

Brady is in the final year of his current contract and has yet to sign a new deal. While no official announcement has been made, the absence of animosity between the two men bodes well for Brady staying in New England.

On Tuesday, Rhode Island recorded a mercy rule victory over Massachusetts.

Rhode Island got off to an early lead and never looked back, scoring six runs in the second inning and five runs in the third. The game was called in the fourth inning, with Rhode Island up 15-5.

The win keeps Rhode Island undefeated in the tournament at 4-0.

Massachusetts dropped to 1-2 in the tournament and faces Connecticut on Wednesday at 1 p.m. The game will air on NESN.

Maine’s Nick Moore hit a grand slam early to put Bangor East up 5-1. But Vermont battled back, and by the bottom of the fifth inning, Shelburne led 6-5.

Maine gave up a total of seven unanswered runs in the game, losing 8-5 to Vermont and dropping to 1-3 in the tournament.

Vermont improved to 1-2 and will play New Hampshire on Wednesday at 10 a.m. The game will air on NESN.

The two are working together and sharing information despite the fact that they’re in direct competition, according to the Miami Herald.

"Me and Jake are good friends," Berger told the Herald. "He helped me out a ton when I had to start. We're all professionals. I don't want Jake to be bad. It's my job to do the best I can and let the coaches decide from there."

Grove agreed, but didn’t shy away from wanting that starting spot.

"There's no animosity. I want to try to help him as much as I can. I want him to be the best player he can be. I just hope I'm a little better."

The two both signed with the Dolphins as free agents prior to the 2009 offseason. Grove was brought in to replace starter Samson Satele, who had a hard time handling big, powerful nose tackles. Berger, from the Cowboys, was a guard who could also play center. He had minimal experience, however, and was active for just 11 games in the previous four seasons.

Last season, Grove got the nod in Miami’s first 10 games, but an ankle injury sidelined him and made room for Berger to come in and take his place.

In Grove’s 10 starts, the line allowed 23 sacks, while in Berger’s six starts, the offense only allowed 11. However, the Dolphins were trailing by two or more scores early in four of Berger’s six starts, so opposing defenses may not have been giving it their all.

The running game averaged 156 yards per game in Grove’s starts, and 111.8 in Berger’s.

"I think the transition went well. I think, mentally, I was prepared,'' Berger said. "Throughout the year, coaches and Jake helped me when it was my turn."

Head coach Tony Sparano said a frontrunner will become apparent as training camp continues.

"There's different strengths to these two guys [Grove and Berger], there really is," Sparano said. "The more you see them out here, the more you see the strengths. I think what's going to be important in their evaluations is which one of these guys can turn some of these weaknesses into strengths."

In a surprising upset, Tyson Gay beat Bolt in a 100-meter race at the DN Galan meet, The Associated Press reports.

Gay, an American, finished the race in 9.84 seconds, while Bolt came in at 9.97.

"I think it showed that I wasn't in the best of shape," Bolt told the AP. "I'm not unbeatable. I can be beaten and it showed today."

Gay agreed that perhaps Bolt wasn’t in his finest form but he relished the victory anyway.

"I'm really happy with the win, even though Usain Bolt isn't in the best shape," Gay told the AP. "It was very important to beat someone like that for the fans and the sport."

At the 2008 Beijing Olympics, Bolt won the 100- and 200-meter races, the first man to sweep both sprints at an Olympics since Carl Lewis in 1984. He continued to dominate at the world championships in Berlin setting another world record of 9.58.

"This is my easy season," Bolt said after his defeat. "If you don't beat me this season it's not going to happen next season because next year is a championship year."

In the midst of a divorce, the McCourts can’t settle because of a huge disparity over the value of the Dodgers, the L.A. Times reports.

Frank values the Dodgers in the range of $725 million to $900 million for the team, Dodger Stadium and surrounding parking lots, according to his attorney Steve Susman.

Jamie values the Dodgers at more than double that, at a whopping $1.5 billion or more.

She based her estimate on the amount of money that could potentially be generated if the team follows through on the launch of two cable sports channels and development of its parking lots, according to her attorney, David Boies.

"One of the problems in settling this case is the total disconnect between the parties on what the team is worth," Susman told the Times.

Frank reportedly wants to be declared the sole owner of the team, while Jamie wants to be deemed a co-owner. However, Jamie is reportedly willing to cede ownership, leaving the couple to split a percentage of the team’s worth — assuming they’re able to agree on what the team’s value is.

The trial to determine who owns the Dodgers is scheduled for Aug. 30.

Long considered tops at his position, the Broncos' veteran recently acknowledged that the Jets’ Darrelle Revis has him beat, the New York Post reports.

"I was reluctant to give it to anybody because I thought I was the best," Bailey said on 104.3 the Fan in Denver.

"I watched every game he played last year, and I've got to give it to him. He's better than anyone right now."

While Revis may be the greatest, he’s keeping his talents to himself in the midst of an ongoing contract dispute with the Jets that’s keeping him out of training camp.

"If the Jets want to do anything, they better get this boy in camp," Bailey told the Post.

Revis wants to be the highest-paid cornerback in the game, ahead of Oakland’s Nnamdi Asomugha, who is scheduled to make about $16.5 million in 2010. Under Revis’ current contract, he would only make $1 million this season and $10 million in each of the last two years of his contract.

While the decision to hold out may seem selfish, Bailey agreed with Revis' choice, saying, "If I was making what he's making, I'd probably do the same thing."

Bailey has a point — Revis is making peanuts compared to some of the other cornerbacks in the game, and deserves a raise that’s on par with his skills. Asomugha’s exorbitant deal was a rarity, though, averaging fifty percent more than stars like Asante Samuel, Dunta Robinson and Bailey.

While Revis surely deserves a big, fat contract, it wouldn’t kill him to be a little more flexible. If the Jets don’t figure out a way to make him happy, Revis’ holdout is going to be more than a distraction — it’s going to be a problem.

Jets head coach Rex Ryan hasn’t been shy about saying he would prefer Revis to play.

"The tape doesn't lie," Ryan told the New York Daily News. "This guy's a heck of a football player. He is under contract for three years, so you like to see him out here. You hope it works out in the end where both sides are happy. That's what needs to happen."

But in the face of having to take the field without such a large piece of the defensive puzzle, Ryan remains confident.

"We admit that if Darrelle’s not here, that it’s going to be more difficult," Ryan told the Daily News. "You’re taking the best corner in the league out of your defense. But by no means does that mean we’re not going to still get it done. We will still get it done on defense."

Ryan’s optimism may be wishful thinking. Revis is the best player on the team, and at such a key position, his impact is crucial for the Jets to succeed in 2010.

Ryan and recent addition LaDainian Tomlinson have both predicted a Jets Super Bowl win, before even taking the field.

Without Revis, the chance of that happening doesn’t look good for the Jets.

The big man doubles as a reality television personality and all-around funnyman providing him with a wealth of options for his post-basketball career. Among them, is his childhood dream of becoming a police officer.

Back in December 2005, Shaq was officially sworn in at the Miami Beach Police Headquarters as an investigator, working with the child pornography unit. Not in it for the money, Shaq reportedly made a salary of $1.

He attended more than 1,200 hours of training and attended a Los Angeles police academy before being sworn in, according to Miami’s Local 10 news.

In a recent Vanity Fair interview, Shaq opened up about his role in catching bad guys online and a nickname most fans aren’t familiar with — Tanya.

"I play a little girl on the Internet. So whatever name I’m going by, that will probably be my catchphrase," O’Neal told Vanity Fair about what he says when arresting offenders."If I’m Tanya, then it’ll be something like, 'Tanya says hello.' And they’ll be like, 'Tanya who?' And I’ll say, 'You don’t know no Tanya, huh? I’m Tanya. Let’s go.' And that’s when the cuffs get slapped on you."

O’Neal has six children of his own and is considered a big kid himself, so it’s no wonder he has little trouble relating to youngsters — a talent that comes in handy when trying to impersonate one online.

"It’s all about understanding how they talk," he explained. "You gotta know about texting and Twittering and all the Internet slang, all the OMGs and LOLs. All that stuff."

O’Neal said he wants to focus on basketball next season and likely won’t be doing any police work in Boston, but he advised against having conversations with underage children, just in case.

"I use many different names," he warned. "It’s not always going to be Tanya. It could be anybody."

NESN.com will showcase one Moment of Shaq every day until the Celtics open the season against the Heat on Oct. 26 at the TD Garden.

Sunday, Aug. 8: Shaq trades tweets with Kim Kardashian, Lakers fans.

The outspoken defensive end accused the organization of targeting him personally after he was benched toward the end of last season, and angrily demanded a trade if he didn’t regain his role as a starter. He even threatened retirement to try to get his way.

But in his first interview since the start of training camp, Umenyiora is singing a different tune.

"Obviously, I've been very selfish in the past with my demands and some of the things that I have wanted, but I don't really feel that way any more right now," Umenyiora told the New York Daily News.

In camp, Umenyiora has been splitting time at right defensive end with Mathias Kiwanuka. While the battle for that starting spot may have been contentious at one point, Umenyiora insists that he’ll be perfectly happy playing a supporting role, if that turns out to be the case.

"As soon as I get on that playing field I'm going to make plays, period," he told the New York Post. "No matter where they put me, if I'm coming off the bench, I'm just going to be the best bench player ever. It's not a personal vendetta against me or anything that I've done in the past. I think that everybody needs to be a little bit less selfish and realize that there's enough playing time, there's enough money, there's enough everything out there for everybody and I think we'll be good to go."

After winning the Super Bowl, Umenyiora was upset that the Giants opted not to extend his contract. His argument for an extension took a hit when he injured his left knee and missed the entire 2008 season following surgery. Currently, he has three years and $10 million left on his contract.

Contract aside, his injuries and attitude factor into making this season a big one for Umenyiora, partially because it may be one of his last.

Only 28 years old, Umenyiora has said he hopes to play four more years in the NFL. But if his career is cut short, he seems surprisingly OK with that too.

A torn hip flexor he sustained in 2006 requires surgery, something Umenyiora said he might not even bother to address in the near future.

"It's something that I need to do, that I need to have taken care of if I want to prolong my career," Umenyiora said. "But I'm not sure if I want to do that anyway."

Umenyiora’s sudden lackadaisical attitude about his football future is a far cry from the fierce and demanding competitor who would have nothing less than a starting job. Is it a sign that he’s coming to terms with the end of his career?

If Umenyiora is in fact pondering an early retirement, this season could be his final hurrah with Big Blue.  And whether he starts on the field or on the bench, he should have plenty of opportunity in a rotation of defensive talent to make his mark and go out on a high note.

"Sometimes I think about it, and sometimes I'm like, really what am I prolonging my career for?" Umenyiora told the Daily News. "I mean, everything that I wanted coming into the NFL, everything I wanted, I've accomplished, whether that's winning a Super Bowl or being an all-star player or being financially secure, I've accomplished all that already."

Mike Tyson

Over the course of his boxing career, Tyson was a formidable and downright scary opponent with a "take no prisoners" attitude. The former heavyweight champion famously said he wanted to eat Lennox Lewis’ heart and children, and controversially bit a piece of Evander Holyfield’s ear off.

So it’s easy to see why Tyson maybe wasn’t considered cute and cuddly.

Now that he’s retired, Tyson is revamping his image. He’s spoken publicly about being committed to his family. He’s turned vegan and is even trying his hand at acting — as seen in his cameo role in the blockbuster comedy The Hangover, as well as a recent guest spot on HBO’s Entourage. He even has a reality show coming out on Animal Planet about pigeon racing.

His new public image is a huge departure from his checkered past involving violence, drugs and prostitution. Tyson recently discussed his many indiscretions in a Sports Illustrated interview, including when he served three years in prison after being convicted of raping 18-year-old Desiree Washington, Miss Black Rhode Island, in an Indianapolis hotel room.

Tyson is far from unique in that sense, joining a lengthy list of famous athletes who’ve gone to the slammer.

The Dallas Cowboys’ Thomas "Hollywood" Henderson served jail time after being convicted of sexual assault and doing drugs with two teenage girls. Henderson won $28 million in the Texas Lotto in 2000, nearly 20 years after his prison sentence, and currently gives anti-drug motivational speeches.

Pete Rose, baseball’s all-time hits leader, spent five months in federal prison for tax evasion in 1990.

Former Olympic gold medalist Marion Jones lied to federal agents who were investigating the BALCO conspiracy and served six months in prison.

NFL quarterback Michael Vick spent nearly two years in prison for his involvement in a dogfighting ring.

Hall of Famer O.J. Simpson is currently serving a sentence in Nevada after being found guilty of armed robbery and kidnapping, among other charges.

While being imprisoned is usually a bad thing, Tyson’s look back on his time spent in the Big House was positive. Maybe he’s just crazy, or maybe it really did do him some good.

In other news, Ozzie Guillen sticks up for Latino baseball players, Patriots owner Robert Kraft explains Wes Welker’s resilience and Shaquille O’Neal proclaims his greatness.

"In a weird way, prison was the best thing that happened to me. Imagine if I was out here from '92 to '95 — I probably would have caught AIDS, I would've got shot, I would've got into all kinds of [expletive]. You have no idea what kind of person I was on the street, when I was in Mike Tyson megalomaniac mode."
–Mike Tyson, in Sports Illustrated, speaks candidly about his illicit past

"He's been through a lot this last week. He really needed that victory. That's pretty cool. I'm sure he's really hard to handle for all those nurses in the hospital."
–Carl Edwards, in the AP, on Jack Roush’s condition after fellow Roush Fenway driver Greg Biffle’s Sprint Cup victory at Pocono Raceway 

"He's huge in this defense, but we'd find our way without him."
–New York Jets safety Jim Leonhard, on ESPN.com, reacts to Darrelle
Revis potentially holding
out past training camp

"I'm the only one to teach the Latinos about not to use [PEDs]. I'm the
only one and Major League Baseball doesn't [care]. All they care about
– how many times I argue with the umpires, what I say to the media. But
I'm the only one in baseball to come up to the Latino kids and say not
to use this and I don't get any credit for that."
–Ozzie Guillen, in the AP, alleging that MLB is prejudiced against Latino
ballplayers

"For any guy our size, for all of America, what he represents is so special. His DNA is different because he can take those hits, do things other people just can't do."
–Patriots owner Rober Kraft, on WEEI.com, reacts to Wes Welker’s surprisingly fast recovery from a knee injury 

"We didn't score any runs, that's why we lost the game."
–Yankees manager Joe Girardi, in the AP, after the team’s shutout
loss to the Rays on Sunday

"When you’re acquiring bullpen help, there’s certainly some amount of a
crapshoot with it."
–Red Sox manager Terry Francona, on WEEI.com, addresses the
uncertainty involved in trading for bullpen
talent before the trade deadline

"They're playing their fannies off. We're just playing well enough to
get beat, and that's not good."
–Tigers manager Jim Leyland, in the AP, after losing
to the Red Sox in the bottom of the ninth inning

"I'm not trying to hurt him, but damned if I ain't trying to go 100 percent every time I put my hand on the ground."
–Darnell Dockett, on ESPN.com, after potentially injuring Matt Leinart, the only quarterback on his team.

"I wouldn’t say that one is any better than the other. They both have their days. It’s like a girlfriend. They have good days. They have bad days. You wake up and you roll with the punches."
–Wes Welker, to reporters at training camp, answering the question of whether his shoulder or his knee is in better condition.

"[I] changed three different franchises around. This is a guy who they [league officials] would have secret meetings about to change the rules. So, that's going to be my legacy: The most dominant player ever."
–Shaquille O’Neal, in the Toronto Sun, describes his contribution to the game of basketball