"Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats."
In the big-screen classic Major League, Pedro Cerrano (played by Dennis Haysbert) had trouble hitting a curveball.
Right now, the Red Sox can't seem to hit anything.
Their bats are sick. And whether it's a curveball, fastball or the infamous straightball, yes, Cerrano, "bats are afraid."
Over the last 30 days, the Red Sox are hitting .240 as a team, last in the AL and fifth-worst in the entire majors.
Individually in July … wow, you're not gonna believe these numbers:
Jason Bay is at .180 with one homer and three RBIs this month. Theo Epstein might not be happy with that average, but he is delighted he didn't convince Bay to sign an inflated contract extension at the end of May.
Jacoby Ellsbury's .216 clip in July has him looking less and less like the Sox' leadoff man of the future.
Jason Varitek is hitting just .195 in July. So much for that early season power surge.
J.D. Drew is weighing in at .127 with two homers and just three RBIs. The starting right fielder has played in one fewer game this month (14) than he has total bases (15).
Big Papi's ripping at a balmy .220 in July, but compared to his April and May, that doesn't sound half bad.
Nick Green is tipping the scales at a paltry .133 over the last month. Nine total bases in 12 July games. Yeesh.
Yes, Dustin Pedroia and Kevin Youkilis have been comparatively solid. And Mike Lowell is hitting .304 since returning to the lineup (despite zero runs and just one RBI in seven games).
But these numbers can't help but make Sox fans cringe.
There's been a lot of talk about the Red Sox' pursuit of Blue Jays' ace Roy Halladay at the trade deadline. Others have suggested that a bat — a la Victor Martinez, Scott Rolen or Garrett Atkins — would have a bigger impact. Both could help.
But if the Sox need anything over the next 10 days, they need Jobu to come in and make those bats healthy and unafraid again.