See, team owner/general manager Jerry Jones spent, oh, around $1.15 billion on the new Cowboys Stadium. It's the eighth wonder of the world. And, boy oh boy, does it have all the amenities: luxury boxes galore, $60 pizzas, $66 12-packs of beer, $75 seats where you can see approximately a third of the field and Jones' signature ridiculously oversized video screens that reportedly allow you to see all the action from wherever your ridiculously overpriced seats might be.
Sounds splendid, right? Well, not if you're an NFL punter.
During the third quarter of last week's preseason debut of Cowboys Stadium, Titans backup punter A.J. Trapasso hit the bottom of the large video screen with a kick. The board is suspended 90 feet above the field, five feet higher than the league's minimum standard, so it's within the rules. Game officials didn't see the ball hit the board, though, and despite Titans coach Jeff Fisher throwing his red replay flag, the play was not reviewable.
A debate erupted about why the video boards are so close to the field and whether or not they can be moved in time for the season. Seriously, if the stupid thing gets in the way of the game, doesn't it make sense to just move it out of the way?
Not so fast. Not only is it legal, says the 66-year-old Jones, but it ain't cheap to fix or move it: It would reportedly cost at least $2 million to make any adjustment at this point.
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell dealt with the in-game issue swiftly — yet not particularly conclusively — ruling on Friday that the video screens can stay where they are, but that "the down will be replayed and clock will be reset if a football hits the massive video display board." The policy may be reviewed again after the season.
On his local radio show, Jones was less than contrite about the video monstrosity, though he was pleased to have it settled.
"I don't see it as ultimately an issue," he said, arguing that it's not often that punts are kicked that high down the middle of the field because teams usually prefer pinning returners closer to the sideline.
But Fisher saw it differently, disagreeing with Jones' suggestion that the video board wasn't a problem unless a punter was really trying to hit it.
"There are a number of punters in this league who are capable of hitting that board naturally," Fisher said.
The Associated Press reported that Trapasso acknowledged that it takes a really high kick to hit the underside of the boards, but also noted that most NFL punters have the leg strength to do it.
"It's nothing that is going to happen every time, but it's there," Trapasso said. "I don't know how much further up it can go, but it's in the way. … It does not matter where you kick it from, it is just right there in the middle of the field. It's always something that you're going to be thinking about."
Even Jones admitted it was likely to become a bit of a distraction.
"You can anticipate the ball hitting the board from time to time," he said. "There's no reason why this can't be something [for punters] to deal with very similar to the way you'd deal with the wind in your face or with elements; rain, sleet or snow."
OK, except that teams don't intentionally pump precipitation into their stadiums. Why not? Because it negatively affects the quality of the game, which is just what this ridiculous video board is bound to do.
Imagine putting a half-pipe in the middle of the TD Garden ice for Bruins games. Or letting paying fans stand in predetermined spots on the court during Celtics games. "Oh, come on," Jones would say, "they're not gonna get in the way!" It might be cool for the fans as a novelty act — something like the old Rock ‘N' Jock basketball games — but it'd get old really quickly.
Only in Texas, maybe … where the Astros' Minute Maid Park in Houston features "a 30-degree, uphill slope — 'Tal's Hill' — for a center field warning track, and a flag pole in the field of play." At least Tal's Hill was intentional. You could argue that it might even be fun in a campy, old-time, outdoor-baseball kind of way.
But a video board that's too big to avoid the play on the field? It's a joke.
As if NFL games weren't long enough as it is, let's see what Goodell says when the Cowboys have to replay the down and reset the clock four times in a row because opposing punters just keep smacking it with their high, rain-bringing boots. Deadspin has even suggested turning it into a drinking game.
Finally, what kind of egomaniac must you be to put your stadium and its lavish excesses ahead of the game? By being unwilling to move the boards higher, pulling them further out of harm's way, Jones is basically saying that the NFL — and the fans watching at home on TV — will have to deal with the occasional inconvenience of a replay.
It's nothing we didn't already know, but Jones sees himself, his team and the new Cowboys Stadium as bigger than the game. The video board-gate controversy that's cropped up is a joke. And Jones will be laughing all the way to the bank.
