One such squad is Kathryn‘s Tappenators, who scored their fifth consecutive win of the fantasy season, dumping my Gray Cutoff Hoodies 140.2-111.7 in a laugher to take a three-game lead in the Western Division. The matchup was a tight one until Tennessee’s Chris Johnson scored two second-half touchdowns against the 49ers and Steelers running back Rashard Mendenhall ran wild against the Broncos on Monday night.
Meanwhile, my so-called “team” lost its third straight matchup thanks to Drew Brees‘ third straight “meh” game and laughable performances from Bears back Matt Forte and Cowboy Jason Witten.
“While we were concerned about this week’s matchup given Adam’s success and the strength of his team this season,” Kathryn told reporters after the game, “I believe our team prepared well and had a great week of practice.
“I feel sorry for Adam, as he’s the creator of the league and has done a lot to maintain its integrity, but sometimes you have to do what’s best. It’s like [Bill] Belichick beating up on [Bill] Parcells‘ Fish on Sunday. I respect Adam for what he’s done with his franchise, but when it’s time for kickoff, all bets are off.”
Then, finally, came the coup de grace.
“Now, which do you think he prefers?” Tappen asked, trying to keep a straight face. “Strawberries or chocolate?”
The answer, Kathryn, is strawberries. (Pause for dramatic effect.) Strawberries!
“Forte has been a major disappointment for my team all season long,” I said of my first-round fantasy draft pick as I perused the league’s waiver wire. “What exactly is his forte? Because it sure isn’t getting me any fantasy points.”
Atop the league’s Eastern Division is Terrence Johnson‘s equally dominant Crooked Lettas. The soft-spoken Southern man scored a 130.2-98.3 win over John Chandler‘s More Cowbell troop for his third straight win, giving him a two-game advantage in the East.
“This was another big win for us,” said the Mississippi State alum. “With both Steven Jackson and Thomas Jones on bye weeks, there were huge holes to fill in my offense. My biggest worry was the potential for Ray Lewis and the Ravens defense to go all ?assault and battery’ on Cedric Benson and the Bengals running game. Fortunately, Benson racked up another 100-plus rushing yards on Edgar Allen Poe‘s favorite team, and Aaron Rodgers‘ three picks didn’t ruin his stats.”
But Johnson couldn’t pass up a quick look ahead to next week’s titanic clash of the division leaders.
“Overall, I’m just happy to have all of my squad available this week, as we prepare to take on a tough Tappenators squad.”
It’s a contest that should rival the Patriots-Colts tilt for drama and for blood, sweat and tears shed on the field of play.
Taking over second place in the East was John Carchedi and his faction of Italian Ninjas, who squeaked out a 117.9-115.25 triumph over Heidi Watney and Favre Forever.
DeAngelo Williams had a big day for the Panthers — and the Ninjas — helping Carchedi improve to 5-4 on the season. But the boss had nothing but strange similes to make following the win.
“I liken my team to the crazy diaper-wearing astronaut lady,” said the regular NESN contributor. “We don’t have a lot going for us but we’re going to great lengths to kick some butt.”
Truer words have never been spoken.
Despite her sixth loss in eight games, Heidi seemed upbeat following the setback, taking full responsibility for a questionable roster move.
“Despite Randy Moss‘ best efforts, I take the blame for this one. I stayed away from Eli Manning‘s recent struggles and started Tony Romo instead … and lost by two points … two points that Manning could have given me.
“But at least I’m through my toughest bye week for players, and Brett Favre can return against Detroit next week and get Favre Forever back in the win column.”
Creeping up under the rest of the league’s radar is Naoko Funayama‘s UNITAS, which throttled Cole Wright‘s I MEAN BUSINESSmen 126.75-93 in Week 9.
Falcons running back Michael Turner — coupled with a huge Monday night performance out of the Steelers defense — proved to be the difference for Naoko, whose squad is now just a game out of a playoff spot thanks to its second straight victory.
And the notorious Mr. Wright? Once again, he remained silent. Following a loss in which he started Vikings wideout Percy Harvin (on a bye week) and Houston’s Owen Daniels (out for the season), I guess it’s hard to blame him for keeping quiet. Still, he’d no doubt be reminding everyone — especially his opponent next week (oops, that’s me) — that HE MEANS BUSINESS!
The NESN.com fantasy playoff picture is starting to shape up, but keep your eyes glued to NESN.com for updates following all of the sure-to-be exciting Week 10 action. See you next time.
