Bill Belichick Has a Message for Everyone With Just One Job: Quit Being So Lazy

Bill Belichick is going to run the Patriots defense next season. He also plans to be the de facto offensive coordinator and unofficial general manager.

Some people are wondering if Belichick is assuming too many responsibilities.

They cannot be serious. There are 24 hours in a day, seven days in a week and 365 days in a year. That’s more than enough time to take on some other roles.

Remember the Hedleys, the hardest-working West Indian family from In Living Color? They were insulted if a person had just one job. They could do the work of 37 people on a slow day.

Belichick is the same way. That’s why he’s contemplating wearing a few more hats to help save owner Robert Kraft some money and put a few more dollars in his own wallet.

Rumor has it Belichick is thinking about helping park cars in Gillette before games. He figures it would be a great way to mingle with the fans, get to know what they’re thinking about the opponent and bounce ideas off them prior to kickoff. Listening to others has always been one of the coach’s strengths, and he’s ready to put it to good use.

After that, he’s going to sell programs. More interaction with fans. What could be better than that? When he gets some down time, he can flip through the pages and study the opposing team’s roster. As Belichick always preaches, you can never be too prepared.

Then, it’s on to the concession stand. He doesn’t like to boast about his skills in the kitchen, but he taught Emeril everything he knows about cooking and even was generous enough to help the chef come up with his signature expression — bam! That was all Belichick. He likes to act like he has the charm of loose leaf paper, but he’s Mr. Personality. And the kitchen brings it out of him. When he steps behind a grill, forget about it. Hot dogs and nachos just happen to be two of his specialties, and he never can get enough of seeing the happy looks on customers’ faces when they leave a booth with trays full of food. It’s like Christmas every Sunday.

But the fun has to end eventually.

He heads down to the field and picks up a camera. Time to shoot some footage for NFL Films. Like all football fans, he’s fascinated by everything that happens behind the scenes. Even for a NFL veteran coach, it can be very enlightening. An Emmy might be in his future, but he’s not in it for the glory. The journey is the destination for Belichick.

Once his camera work is done, he heads to the media room to make sure everyone in the press box is comfortable and has everything they need. This is one of Belichick’s favorite parts of the day, just shooting the breeze with reporters and cracking jokes with columnists. Good times.

The laughs can’t last forever, though. He has a game to coach.

On his way to the locker room, he sells a few hooded sweatshirts with cut-off sleeves. He might be an original in the fashion department, but he gets a certain amount of satisfaction from seeing fans in the stands emulate his trend-setting style.

Once he unloads all his merchandise, he goes to the equipment room to make sure all the players have the right gear.

Then he heads to the training room, and tapes everyone up.

Finally, it’s time for a pep talk. He always likes to surprise the team with his motivational techniques. What will it be this time? He remembers that impressive dance he learned from the New Zealand rugby team and fires up his players with a re-enactment.

Then he leads the charge through the tunnel.

Sixty minutes of bliss.

After the game, he ushers the fans to their cars, thanks everyone for coming and tells them to drive safely.

Then he heads to the media room to meet the press again. He’s so excited he starts running. He doesn’t want the day to end, but the players are waiting for him.

“Good job, men,” he says. “Now, it’s back to work.”

Have you seen the mess fans make after a game?

With everything Belichick has to do, coaching is the easy part.