2:37 p.m.: Last question … "What are your thoughts on your playing partners this week?"
Come on, man. Weak.
2:36 p.m.: We're through 30 minutes, and nobody has said the words "sex," "addiction," "Joslyn James," "smashed windows" or "New York Post."
2:35 p.m.: Why the delay in coming out and speaking to the public?
"Because [in December] I wasn't in a right place for it, and in January, I was in rehab."
2:33 p.m.: Golf reporters are funny. Here's Tiger Woods, taking questions on everything under the sun, and this guy asks about how Tiger is putting. Pretty special question right there.
2:32 p.m.: Tiger says he understands why so many of his sponsors bailed on him, but he also wants to prove going forward that he's a worthy investment.
(Insert joke about cell phone provider "X" jumping to sponsor his texts.)
2:31 p.m.: Woods was just asked if Ambien played a role in the Thanksgiving car crash.
Woods referred to the police report.
"[The police] cited me a hundred and sixty-four bucks," he said. "Closed case."
2:29 p.m.: Woods says he is happy to have his caddy Steve Williams at his side.
"It's great to have him on the bag. He's excited to get back and compete again. He's been doing really well racing-wise … but this is another part of his life that he loves to do, and he loves to be back here at August. For us to go back out there as a team together, it feels good."
Williams does some sort of crazy car racing on dirt tracks in New Zealand, in case you weren't aware.
2:28 p.m.: "In order to help people you have to learn how to help yourself."
That's a quote from Earl Woods that Tiger's used to regain his stability.
2:27 p.m.: Woods has passed the 20-minute mark, and he doesn't appear to be in any hurry to get out of there.
2:26 p.m.: Woods takes a swig of some beverage that definitely is not Gatorade.
2:25 p.m.: A reporter is asking about his wife, and Woods looks angry. That's clearly something he doesn't want to discuss in the media.
2:25 p.m.: "I missed my son's first birthday, and that hurts. That hurts a lot," Woods said. "That was very hard that day, and it's something I regret and probably will for the rest of my life."
2:24 p.m.: Woods said he wasn't even close to being ready physically to play at the PGA level for Arnold Palmer's tournament at Bay Hill.
2:23 p.m.: A question from a Scottish reporter comes in with a solid brogue. He asked what Tiger's plans were for returning, and Tiger said he got "the itch to start playing again" right around the time the last time we all saw Woods at a microphone.
2:21 p.m.: Did Tiger's personal life take away from his golf game?
He thinks so. That can't be good for the rest of the PGA.
2:20 p.m.: "The way I was thinking was not correct," Woods said of his past. Understatement of the afternoon? We'll see if it holds up.
2:18 p.m.: Tiger was asked what his rehab was for, and he answered frankly: "That's personal, thank you."
2:18 p.m.: Woods said his knee is feeling strong, except for when a storm rolls through. Just like grandpa!
2:17 p.m.: Tiger said he took Ambien around the time that his father died to help him sleep.
2:16 p.m.: "Of course [the media] was critical of me — and they should," Woods said.
2:15 p.m.: "For them to still cheer for me is incredible," Woods said of the fans.
2:14 p.m.: "Usually I focus on placements of shots and getting ready, but today was a little bit different. I took it in a little bit more."
2:12 p.m.: Tiger just vehemently denied ever taking performance-enhancing drugs or HGH or "any illegal drugs."
He is detailing the platelet-rich plasma program he underwent under Dr. Anthony Galea, saying he tore his Achilles in his recovery from his knee injury.
"I did everything I could to heal faster to get back on the golf course," Woods said.
2:12 p.m.: Why didn't this Tiger come out and speak in February? He seems like a real person in this one, not that robot that showed up in February.
2:10 p.m.: Woods is expressing regret for not always showing appreciation to fans, saying the past few months have put things in perspective to him.
2:10 p.m.: "I'm actually going to try to not get as hot when I play," Tiger said when asked what some of the changes will be in his game.
No more swearing on live TV? Say it ain't so.
2:09 p.m.: Tiger's talking about how he found "strength and peace." He really does seem at ease, especially compared to his news conference in February.
2:07 p.m.: "I had a busted lip and a pretty sore neck," Tiger said about his injuries on Thanksgiving night.
2:07 p.m.: Time for some questions from reporters …
2:06 p.m.: Tiger is asking that his fellow golfers not be asked any more questions about him. He apologized to his fellow golfers for causing a distraction.
2:05 p.m.: Tiger's opening statement involves some details about his practice round with Fred Couples and the fine weather. He is also complimenting the gallery and how supportive the fans were.
"It blew me away," he said. "It really did. … Today was just something that touched my heart pretty good."
2:04 p.m.: Woods has stepped to the podium. He looks relaxed and he was humming a song on his walk to the table. Craig Heatley, chairman of the Masters Committee, is introducing Tiger at the moment.
2:03 p.m.: OK, maybe not seconds. That was a bit premature, as the ribble rabble of the assembled media temporarily quieted to a hush. Still waiting on Tiger.
2:01 p.m.: We're getting ready for the beginning of the conference. Seconds away now.
1:57 p.m.: We just caught a glimpse of the podium. Saw two microphones and two bottles of water. Nothing builds the anticipation like a sneak preview of some water bottles.
1:39 p.m.: We're closing in here on perhaps the most heavily anticipated Monday news conference in the history of golf. It ranks right up there with all those great Monday news conferences that you hear your grandparents talk about.
1:02 p.m.: The New York Times is now the owner of one of the better golf questions ever asked: "And come on, who is going to boo Fred Couples?"
11:46 a.m.: One of the big questions that will definitely be answered this week is the one of how, exactly, Mr. Woods will be treated by the gallery.
So far, it's been receptive, according to several reports from Woods' practice round Monday morning. When the television cameras are out in full force over the weekend though, things could get very different.
10:07 a.m.: You probably won't get all your questions answered this afternoon when Tiger Woods addresses the assembled media at Augusta National, but you'll probably know a few more things than you did last time we heard from him.
Reporters are expected to be able to ask whatever question they'd like, as they'll get their first crack at Tiger since the whole soap opera began on Thanksgiving.
We don't know exactly what he'll say, but we know he's got a cool new goatee. Maybe that means something.
We'll have live updates throughout the day leading up to the news conference, and we'll continue to update throughout Woods' media session, which begins at 2 p.m.
If you simply cannot get enough Tiger this morning, check out this video from The Associated Press, if for no other reason than to hear a man named Alfred Monsalvatage say things like "they don't give a kahuna about security or the tickets."
