He flops more than an Italian soccer player and then whines at the refs when they don’t buy his act.
He instigates an argument, then backs off just in time to draw a technical on his opponent. Remember Ray Allen delivering an elbow to the Brazilian’s groin? Funny, but it also cost Ray a suspension.
He’s the guy who plays pickup at the local gym and tries way too hard. The guy who wears knee pads, shorts that are a bit too tight for comfort, and has so much body hair that it’s spreading to the back of his arms. He dives after every loose ball and always manages to cover you in a slick of sweat when he’s boxing out far too aggressively.
Simply put, he gets under your skin.
But just like the local gym guy, Varejao’s team usually wins. The endless energy, the frustrating "glue guy" defense, and the flopping — it all works.
And despite myself, I can’t help but respect him.
Take Game 2 as an example: With 4:57 left in the third quarter, the Celtics are up 72-57, and Varejao draws Kendrick Perkins into a tussle. A double technical is called. Seemingly harmless, right? Except it preceded a run by Cleveland that had all of Boston saying, "Here we go again."
Coincidence? Methinks not. This guy has a clock for when to turn up his annoying meter. Honestly, if there were a stat for most technical fouls drawn (or suspensions), Varejao would be the all-time leader.
He knew the Cavs were stalling at the end of the third Monday night, and he decided to rock the boat by going at Boston’s most vulnerable target — Perk, always willing to hit back. It’s no coincidence, either, that just a minute later, Varejao planted Ray on the floor with a flagrant foul.
Throughout the rest of the game, Sideshow became the Energizer Bunny. He grabbed seven rebounds in just 21 minutes of play (that’s 14 per 42 minutes), went 2-of-3 from the field, went 4-of-5 from the free-throw line, had two steals and was the only Cavalier with a positive plus-minus ratio for the game (plus-2) — an impressive feat when Cleveland lost by 18.
And his numbers on the season are no different: nine points on a very efficient 57 percent shooting, a steal, a block, and 7.6 boards, all in just 29 minutes on the floor.
Doc Rivers said it best after a 104-93 loss to the Cavs back in March — a game in which Varejao grabbed six offensive rebounds to go with 17 points.
"Loose balls, activity, getting under our skin," Rivers said. "He’s doing what he’s supposed to be doing."
He’s crafty. High-energy. He’s 6-foot-11 and yet always gets his feet into position to take the charge (even if he is flopping).
And yes, he’s annoying. But annoying, it seems, just might be Anderson Varejao’s greatest asset.
