The drama that ensued in light of Dan Carcillo’s accusation that Marc Savard bit him during a scrum in Monday’s Game 2 of the Eastern Conference semifinals was comical. The postgame reaction from both sides was even more comical. But whether Savard really did commit the horrid act he was accused of begs the question: Who cares?
This is the NHL. This is a league where being in the wrong place with your head turned lands you with a dislocated wrist and an abrupt end to your season. This is a league where an open-ice hit could mean a Grade 2 concussion. And yet, here we have Carcillo — whose job it is, essentially, to draw the Bruins into inane, senseless penalties — and he’s complaining about being bitten. Possibly. Maybe. On his finger.
Yes, there’s the whole argument that real men don’t bite. Whatever. As Marc Savard so eloquently put it, if Carcillo is going to stick his hand into Savard’s mouth and try to rip out his teeth, Savard gets free reign to bite if he so desires. Those are the rules.
And even if Savard did bite him, it’s Dan Carcillo we’re talking about. Surely, Savard isn’t the first one who’s been antagonized enough to consider it.
Regardless, the ensuing he-said, he-said trash-talk fest-that ensued would put The Hills to shame. Savard and Carcillo show Kristen and Audrina how it’s done.
In other news, Bill Simmons chimes in with his own thoughts on The Hills’ most (literally) artificial cast member, Kendrick Perkins explains why he’s not afraid of a few facial stitches and Dustin Pedroia explains exactly why Red Sox Nation should lay off David Ortiz.
"Last time I’ve been bit was in grade school. It’s not a good feeling. It’s pretty cowardly. Guys don’t bite. Men don’t bite."
–Flyers winger Dan Carcillo, on NESN.com, explaining his scrap with Marc Savard
"He pummeled my face, pulled on my teeth, so I guess that’s biting when a guy tries to pull your teeth out like [he did]. I don’t know. I don’t see how that is biting."
–Savard, on Carcillo’s claims
"Yeah, that’s what I do when I get in a scrum. I try to pull people’s teeth out. Whatever, man. He bit me."
–Carcillo, on NESN.com
"I don’t know if you want to look like him, but he pulled on them.”
–Savard, on NESN.com, taking a shot at Carcillo’s dental situation, which features an absence of front teeth
“But this is part of hockey, and it’s like when your sister steals your ball. You wanna get her."
–Savard, on NESN.com, on the emotions that run high during the NHL playoffs
“By that time, I hated the Lakers more than Heidi Montag hates dignity.”
–ESPN columnist Bill Simmons, on 23-year-old Hills star, who voluntarily underwent 10 plastic surgery procedures simultaneously
“I look at it like, I’m already ugly. I can’t add anything else to it.”
–Celtics center Kendrick Perkins, via Dan Duggan’s Twitter, on the stitches above his lip
“[Slumps] happen to everybody. … A couple of years ago, I had 60 at-bats, and I was hitting .170, and everyone was ready to kill me, and then what happened? Laser show.”
–Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia, on NESN, on David Ortiz’s struggles at the plate
"A few people aren't too thrilled about that, like fiancées. But you've got to get your knocks."
–Blue Jays DH Adam Lind, in The Associated Press, on cutting his hair to try to bust his slump
"I thought it was close to an assassination."
–Celtics head coach Doc Rivers, in the AP, on Shaquille O’Neal’s hard foul on Rajon Rondo in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference semifinals
"It's not something I'm looking forward to. But I won't hit him with a golf club."
–PGA member Jesper Parnevik, on Perezhilton.com, on sharing the course with Tiger Woods once again
"I'm not thinking of anything but building this team. If I were to leave the team and go somewhere else in a year or two from now, if I got tired of reading books on the beach, excuse me, the Kindle, I might want to coach again."
–Former Heat coach Pat Riley, in the AP, on reports he is considering a return to coaching
