In a truly epic clash, Tiger Woods mistress and adult-film star Devon James was scheduled to fight Susan Finkelstein, “the woman who offered sexual relations for Philadelphia Phillies tickets on Craigslist,” in a Celebrity Boxing bout refereed by Dustin “Screech” Diamond.
In her pre-match physical, James was deemed unable to perform due to high blood pressure and poor performance on the eyeball-response test.
High blood pressure is pretty common given the number of Lipitor commercials on television (though we haven’t seen the Dan Reeves Zocor ads in a while), but how do you fail the eyeball reaction test?
Similar to the Pacquiao-Mayweather debacle, one of the participants decided to fight anyway, as James was replaced at the last minute.
In spite of Celebrity Boxing’s absence from television since 2002, Screech has decided to make it his new signature event, much like Jeff Ross with celebrity roasts, after participating in the original series.
James, who originally claimed to have met Woods in 2006, is now claiming that he is the father of her 9-year-old child. She recently has alleged that they actually met in 2000 when she was still attending Christian school.
Apparently, a lot can change in a decade.
Photo of the Day
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Photo from YouTube.
Quote of the Day
“I would love to get back to first-team All-Defense. I own defense. It’s
like my corporation. I’m the CEO and everyone else is just an employee.
The fans and players know I belong. When you need a stop, who you going
to call? Not the goddamn Ghostbusters, I’ll tell you that. You call me.”
—Ron Artest, on what he has left to do in the NBA
Comment of the Day
While many have bolder notions about what the Sox should do at the deadline, this fan is taking a more reserved approach.
“Here’s
what I personally think the Sox should do here at the deadline. I say
trade for a decent reliever that you have control over for the next two
or three seasons, don’t trade away maybe one or two prospects for a
rent-a-arm, it just doesn’t work. Secondly, I don’t like all this talk
about getting a backup catcher, what do we need one for? Tek will be
back soon and he’s the best back catcher in the game and lastly I don’t
see the need for another Outfielder, Jacoby will be back soon and we
already have Hermida, Nava and McDonald to provide decent backup. Just
hold tight boys, keep fighting, and hopefully we’ll get the Wild Card.”
-Matt
Video of the Day
DeJuan Blair has decided to join the ranks of NBA players making appearances in rap videos. This one features some real artful art direction, going black and white except for the red “Solo cups.”
Recent Blends
Friday, July 30: Mike “Sitch” “The Situation” brings his talents to South Beach.
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