Football-playing brothers Martellus and Michael Bennett recently opened up in a profile for ESPN The Magazine — and by opened up, we mean verbally laid waste to close to a dozen fellow NFL players.

It began with Michael Bennett, a defensive end for the Seattle Seahawks, calling Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler the “worst quarterback in the NFL.”

“I’d be open and he’d throw into double coverage,” added Martellus, a Bear-turned-New England Patriots who in the piece dubbed himself “the Kanye of the NFL.”

And it only got better from there. Here’s the full rundown of Martellus’ and Michael’s insults, with a few words of praise sprinkled in for good measure:

ELI MANNING

Martellus: “Eli? He’s cool. He’s like a normal white guy you see at the park trying to teach his kids how to play soccer and you know he can’t really play soccer himself.”

JEFF FISHER

Martellus: “If a QB went 7-9, he’d never be able to find a job.”

Michael: “Make sure he’s in the NFC West.”

BROCK OSWEILER

Michael: “I’ve got more sacks than he’s got touchdowns.” (This is accurate.)

Martellus: “I’ve caught more balls than he’s completed.” (Also accurate.)

PETE CARROLL

Martellus: “Joel Osteen.”

Michael: “Tom Cruise. I feel like Pete Carroll is like Benjamin Button. He doesn’t want to get old. He’s getting younger every year. What is going on?”

Martellus: “That’s what money does.”

ROGER GOODELL

Michael: “A–hole. Nah, I’m just joking — you can’t say that. Overpaid.”

J.J. WATT

Michael: “Dominant player.”

Martellus: “Corny. Half of the NFL is corny, though.”

Michael: “People love J.J. Watt, but they don’t really like J.J. Watt, know what I’m saying?”

SAM BRADFORD

(Both smirk.)

Michael: “The greatest quarterback in the NFL.”

Martellus: “Vicious. Competitive.”

Michael: “A real Joe Montana.”

TOM BRADY

Martellus: “The silver fox you never get to see but you hear about. You only get to take one photo, and you have to stay outside for a year just to get it.”

JASON WITTEN

Martellus: “I hated Jason Witten. I appreciated his game, but I always hated him.”

CAM NEWTON

Michael: “Probably the quarterback I like to hit the most.”


Martellus Bennett also explained his “Kanye” comment after Thursday’s Patriots training camp practice.

“I said some people call me the Kanye of the NFL, only because I think outside of the box and I’m progressive in the way I’m thinking,” he told reporters.” I’m not limiting myself to be one type of individual, I’m open and expanding my own box and building my own place in the world. That’s basically what I meant. Whether it’s dabbling in music, movies, wanting to build furniture, there’s so much I want to do. I want to build theme parks, I want to build hotels, and I want to win Super Bowls. It’s just one of those things.

“For (Kanye), he wants to make music, he wants to win Grammys, which is his Super Bowl trophy, and then off the field, he makes clothes and everything else that he wants to do. I just feel like it’s having a dynamic personality as far as an ability to learn and create and make things for others, and make the world a better place through the things that you do and the things that you make.”

Thumbnail photo via Joe Nicholson/USA TODAY Sports Images

Read the Bennett brothers’ full ESPN profile >>