Yes, Jim Mora. It's time to talk playoffs in the NESN.com Fantasy Football League.
Week 14 of the fantasy season was vital for several teams eyeing the final few playoff positions, but for the squads that had already clinched their postseason berths, it was prime time to cruise. Or was it?
Kathryn and her troop of Tappenators, though they had already clinched the No. 1 seed in the playoffs, won their 10th straight game, topping John Carchedi's Italian Ninjas 109.3-99.9. Despite a terrible game from quarterback Kurt Warner (2.9 points) on Monday night against the 49ers, the Tappenators (12-2) triumphed yet again thanks to the running and point-scoring of Tennessee's Chris Johnson (36.6 points).
"We are thrilled with the win this week," Kathryn told reporters following the win. "We would have liked to see more production out of our offense, and an uncharacteristic start for Kurt Warner didn't help our cause. But we got it done."
Despite the loss, his team's fourth in five weeks, Carchedi (6-8) did manage to sneak into the postseason, earning the fourth seed and a first-round matchup with Heidi Watney and Favre Forever.
"I've always said it is the great ones who back their way into the playoffs," Carchedi waxed philosophically. "Let others claw and scrape and exert themselves en route to legitimacy. Me, I'll rely on dumb luck and the misfortune of others."
Kathryn, too, had her sights set on the postseason — and on the coming week's matchup.
"We are going to look forward to the bye week," she said, "and keep a close eye on John and Heidi to see what the future holds for us in the playoffs."
Speaking of Heidi, she and Favre Forever (5-9) staged a huge comeback from an early deficit on Sunday night — thanks to a huge night out of Eagles receiver DeSean Jackson (29.8 points) but ended up falling to me and my red-hot Gray Cutoff Hoodies (9-5) by the final score of 155.10-145.10. Heidi had a chance to complete the upset, but Tim Hightower did almost nothing for the Cardinals in their Monday night loss to San Francisco.
"Almost nothing!!!" Heidi exclaimed. "Hightower had negative points! [He had -0.4 to be exact, matching the output of Patriots wideout Randy Moss, who Heidi also had in her lineup.] That's worse than nothing!
"And don't get me started on Randy 'Other Teams Think I Give Up' Moss! How in the world did I have two players with negative points? We're going to have to make some decisions before the playoffs start … starting with Moss."
Instead of anger, yours truly opted for anxiety, despite having already clinched the third seed for the playoffs.
"It's a pride thing for me," I told my fans via my Twitter page. There's no such thing as an off week — unless fantasy god Drew Brees isn't playing, of course.
"But this week's game was crazy. I jump out to a huge lead behind Brees, Ray Rice and some guy named Quinton Ganther. But Heidi comes storming back like Sherman through Georgia. I was sweating it out until the final whistle of Monday night's game. Thank you, Tim Hightower! Still, I give her a lot of credit for trying."
Still, the high-scoring shootout bodes well for both teams as they look ahead to the postseason.
"Yeah, it's playoff time," I told Fox Sports' Ken Rosenthal. "You're always a little nervous about injuries or who will show up each week, but my team will be ready to go. Probab– ? maybe ? I hope."
The Hoodies' opponent in the opening round will be John Chandler and his More Cowbellers (5-9), who narrowly defeated Naoko Funayama's UNITAS team 108.9-103.45 to clinch the sixth and final playoff spot. Naoko, sadly, will be watching the playoffs from the sidelines as her team's 4-10 record just didn't cut it.
Also missing out on the postseason excitement — due to the tiebreaker rule — will be the outspoken Cole Wright and his I MEAN BUSINESS team, which fell to Terrence Johnson and his Crooked Lettas 118.6-82.3.
Cole got another solid game from MVP candidate Peyton Manning (28.7 points), but apparently no one else on his team MEANT BUSINESS in Week 14.
"We gave it our all," Cole winced at his postgame news conference, as a single tear streaked down his left cheek, "but at the end of the day, it just wasn't enough. Stats are for losers, and apparently my stats speak for themselves."
Perhaps, dear Cole, but you and your team MEANT BUSINESS to the bitter end. We bid you farewell.
Moving on to the postseason, on the other hand, is Terrence and his Crooked Lettas (10-4), who also have a bye this weekend before playing the winner of the Cutoff Hoodies-More Cowbell contest.
"I need it," said Terrence of his first-round bye. "I tried to offer Cole an early Christmas gift by benching Cedric Benson for Jamaal Charles, but Charles goes and has a huge game. Sorry, Cole. Totally unexpected."
And whereas coaches typically keep quiet about which team they'd rather face in an upcoming showdown, Terrence pulled no such punches about his potential Final Four opponent.
"Of course I'd rather play Chandler!" he told me unequivocally. "Your team has been pulling points out of ? well, I don't know where. It's like you're on the Sylvan Learning Center fantasy football program or something.
"Hopefully we can heal up over the bye week," he continued. "And hopefully we can still make a little noise, because my team has transformed from an offensive juggernaut to that team that's just eyeing the Gatorade table at the finish line, like they can't wait for it all to be over."
But we have three weeks before the fun and games come to an end. Stay tuned for full coverage of the first-round matchups, and may all of your NESN fantasies come true.
