Boston Sports Stars If They Were Christmas Movie Characters

You didn’t come here to have us explain why we compared Boston athletes to Christmas movie characters, you just want the goods.

Let’s get right into it.

Boston Bruins

Brad Marchand: Kevin McCallister, “Home Alone”
There was a question of whether he could hold things together without Patrice Bergeron and David Krejci, but things have worked out great so far. He’s also been known to annoy people who deserve it.

Linus Ullmark and Jeremy Swayman: John McLane, “Die Hard”
You could put these guys through hell, but they’ll still find a way to make the save.

David Pastrnak: Howard Langston, “Jingle All the Way”
Has an Eastern European accent.

Boston Celtics

Kristaps Porzingis: The Leg Lamp, “A Christmas Story”
He’s fragile (frag-ee-lay).

Jayson Tatum: Snow Miser, “The Year Without a Santa Claus”
Jaylen Brown: Heat Miser, “The Year Without a Santa Claus”
You all remember the “fire and ice” quote, right?

Derrick White: Rudolph, “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer”
He leads the way, and though he once didn’t get the respect he deserved, there might be a tad too much credit being given to him now.

Brad Stevens: Charles Dickens (Gonzo), “The Muppet Christmas Carol”
Just like the narrator from the 1992 adaptation, Stevens seems to be able to see everything that’s happening or will happen — and deftly makes the right moves to help it all play out.

New England Patriots

Bill Belichick: Ebenezer Scrooge, “A Christmas Carol”
These are both men who have time for nothing but work. They’re also old and have been around in the same place for ages. In the final act of 1970’s “Scrooge,” we finally see the titular character show some joy, which is basically what we get with Belichick on Fridays.

Mac Jones: The Grinch, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!”
He keeps trying to steal all of our happiness.

Rhamondre Stevenson: Train, “The Polar Express”
This one explains itself.

Jabrill Peppers: Scott Calvin, “The Santa Clause”
This guy loves to talk trash, and has filled in admirably for a legend (Devin McCourty) in a job he wasn’t even supposed to have.

Bailey Zappe: Buddy, “Elf”
He’s not really supposed to be there, but we’re all acting like it’s normal for some reason. He also stole a job from an elf.

Boston Red Sox

Alex Cora: The Old Man, “A Christmas Story”
He might lose his temper sometimes, but at the end of the day he just wants what is best for his kids players.

Nick Pivetta: Chris Brander, “Just Friends”
Like Ryan Reynolds’ character, Pivetta was bit of a late bloomer. The right-hander finally seems like he’s coming into his own, though.

Chris Sale: Jack Skellington, “The Nightmare Before Christmas”
The resemblance is uncanny.

Rafael Devers: Clark Griswold, “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”
This guy knows how to see the positives in everything, but you don’t want to get on his bad side because he’s got a temper.

Brayan Bello: Ralphie, “A Christmas Story”
He’s a kid with a gun (figuratively, of course).