Imagine Jon Gosselin, Lindsay Lohan, Britney circa 2007, Eminem circa 2001 and Dennis Rodman all being locked up in the Big Brother house for a week, trying to out-ridiculous each other. That is the pop culture equivalent of this week in sports.
Tiger Woods once bragged about the fact that he and his wife never appear on the pages of tabloid magazines. Way to make up for lost time, Tiger.
But we have to hand it to him. He picked a good week to become enmeshed in the most embarrassing scandal of his life. At least he has about 85 other events to take the pressure off a little bit. (You know it’s a big week when Tomas Vokoun almost gets decapitated by his own teammate mid-game, and you barely even hear about it.)
In the wake Tigerpalooza, there was the celebrity reaction to Tigerpalooza, which made for even better sound bites than the “That’d be huge, Jaimee” voicemail. On top of that, there was the Allen Iverson tearfest. There was the Ron Artest, “Yeah, I drank Hennessy at halftime, so what? … Oh wait. Let’s backtrack” saga. There was the most un-shocking head coach termination in the history of college football, followed by the retirement of a college football icon. There was Rajon Rondo coming out of his turtle shell to try to out-smack talk (and hopefully outrun) the fastest man in the NFL. And Tom Brady was a one-man Word Around Here machine in the span of a 25-minute news conference.
Must be the season-of-giving vibes. Everyone just wants to contribute.
“I’m really the only one that knows at this point. [Gisele] doesn’t know. It’s a pretty good feeling knowing something that nobody else knows. I wanted to find out, and she didn’t, so she said, ‘Go ahead.’ So it’ll be a surprise for her.”
–Tom Brady, on Boston.com, on being the only person who knows the gender of his unborn child
“Charlie and I always keep in touch. He’s always been a great friend of mine. We have a great relationship. It’s very disappointing. I know him. His heart and soul was with Notre Dame. Players obviously liked Charlie. We all really enjoyed being with Charlie. None of those decisions are up to me. He’s a great guy and a great coach. Any team would be lucky to have him.”
–Brady, on Boston.com, on whether he foresees Charlie Weis returning to the Patriots
“We probably thought he was a better guy than he is. I would probably need to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of the 3-iron.”
—Jesper Parnevik, on introducing his family’s former nanny, Elin Nordegren, to Tiger Woods in 2001
“[I] was a single pimp! I was wild. A lot of marijuana and alcohol — even before [that age]. … I [still] party and I have fun, but not like I used to. I used to drink every night and party every night.”
–Lakers guard Ron Artest, in the Sporting News, on his teenage years
“My bradda @lambo6 called me and said they point gaurd rondo want to race me for 2k that’s easy money set it up on espn.”
–Titans running back Chris Johnson, via Twitter, accepting Rajon Rondo’s alleged challenge to race him in a 40-yard dash
“How many … media people have ever played running back? Raise your hand. So how can you really tell me how to do my job? How can you tell me I’m doing my job wrong, if you never did my job? Just like, how can I tell you how to write a story, if I never wrote a story on somebody? But the media does that, and the media is never wrong.”
–Patriots running back Laurence Maroney, on WEEI, lashing back at the critical media
“After you retire, there’s only one big event left. And I ain’t ready for that.”
–Florida State football coach Bobby Bowden, in the AP, on life (and death) after retirement
“Everyone’s situation is different. Things happen in people’s lives. I’ll just wish everybody the best. Everybody needs to find their own way, find their own happiness. We’re all … I think everybody in this room has some degree of notoriety. You have to understand what comes along with that and try to make the best decisions you can.”
–Brady, on Boston.com, on the Tiger Woods situation
“I don’t want to prove anyone wrong in this situation. I’m not in it for that. If I can help my team win basketball games the way Coach wants me to help, then I’ll be satisfied.”
–Allen Iverson, in The Associated Press, on returning to the 76ers after retiring earlier this season
“I’ve got big, big hopes and dreams for this team, and I don’t think Bill is going to let us down. I know he’s going to put it to us this week and further on. We’ve just got to take our lashes, and keep working hard and see if it pays off.”
–Patriots wide receiver Randy Moss, on Boston.com, on how the Patriots will recover from their big loss to the Saints
“I play risky. I won’t try and hit and make some people get hurt, but people sometimes turn right away, and I don’t have time to realize and stop. What can you do? You can do nothing.”
–Capitals forward Alex Ovechkin, in the AP, defending his aggressive style of play
“I have bubble guts, like this spot I’m feeling good, so overwhelmed by the excitement.”
–TCU linebacker Daryl Washington, in the AP, trying to explain his excitement over his team’s chase for perfection
