What If Deflategate Never Happened? Patriots-Colts Rematch Should Be Final Chapter

The New England Patriots and Indianapolis Colts renew their rivalry Sunday night at Lucas Oil Stadium. What’s usually considered a big game anyway will be even bigger, even if it’s only a Week 6 matchup of two teams heading in opposite directions.

We all know why. It’s because it’s the first time these teams will have met since the Deflategate scandal broke in the hours following the AFC Championship Game.

We all know what happened in the days, weeks and months following that unseasonably warm and rainy night in Foxboro.

But what if this whole Deflategate thing never happened?

If Deflategate never happened, the Patriots’ standing among the general public might be a lot better than it is now. The Patriots never will fully lose the stench of cheating that’s attached to them from Spygate. But, man, if this Deflategate thing hadn’t happened, they’d be sitting pretty. Because when you sit back and really think about what they’ve done in the Bill Belichick/Tom Brady era, it’s truly unbelievable. Now, Patriots haters have added something else to the cheating list, no matter how much actual truth there is. The Patriots unveiled a new Super Bowl banner and shot off a bunch of fireworks on opening night, though, so I don’t think they really care much about their image.

If Deflategate never happened, maybe Pete Carroll would have run the ball on the Seattle Seahawks’ last Super Bowl play. Not sure how those things are connected, but maybe Deflategate interrupted some sort of time-space continuum that led to that play call. Hey, it beats any explanation Carroll could have given.

If Deflategate never happened, the Colts (as well as the fans and Indy media) would’ve had to just wear the fact that their team was blown out yet again by the Patriots in the AFC Championship Game. They’ve essentially been able to hide behind this entire story, which is handy when you consider how little general manager Ryan Grigson did to fill the Colts’ gaping holes during the offseason. It also steers the talk away from the fact the Colts have lost their last six games against the Patriots — by an average of 21 points.

If Deflategate never happened, maybe the NFL would have done something meaningful this summer. Imagine, for a second, the NFL didn’t have to spend the entire summer devoting funds, time and attention to deflated footballs. Had that been the case, maybe the league could have spent more time on important stuff like concussions or domestic abuse. But then again …

If Deflategate never happened, Roger Goodell would, well, he’d still be a moron. Even if this debacle didn’t happen, there’s no doubt Goodell would have found something else to royally screw up. The commissioner’s track record has given us no reason to believe otherwise.

If Deflategate never happened, Brady would be considered by many (outside of New England) as the greatest quarterback of all time. There would be no talk of asterisks, and there’d be no question from anyone anywhere that he’s a first-ballot Hall of Famer. His golden boy image still would be intact. Perhaps no one “lost” more in this than Brady, which obviously is a relative term. Because, at the end of the day, he’s still Tom freaking Brady, a four-time Super Bowl champion and an all-time great who’s married to a supermodel and is stupid rich. So, I mean, it could be worse.

If Deflategate never happened, maybe Robert Kraft and Goodell still would be BFFs. If their business relationship was on Facebook, it’d now be listed as “it’s complicated.” Despite being two of the most powerful men in sports, Kraft and Goodell still need each other way too much to just disown one another. We’re guessing Kraft would like a mulligan on his decision to go on national TV and defend Goodell’s handling of the Ray Rice fiasco last year.

If Deflategate never happened, the Patriots still would have a first-round pick in the 2016 draft.

If Deflategate never happened, you could ask Patriots fans who Bob Kravitz is and probably get, “I dunno, a plumber from Medford?” Kravitz got the (deflated) ball rolling by breaking the story, and he has become something of a household name — especially in New England. Deflategate also made Indianapolis Star columnist Gregg Doyel a villain in New England (just ask him — he’s more than willing to tell you). He solidified himself as a professional troll since this all went down. Good for him.

If Deflategate never happened, Boston sports media and fans themselves wouldn’t have spent the summer going to de facto summer law school.

If Deflategate never happened, Patriots fans wouldn’t need an expletive before and/or after any reference to ESPN. From Mark Brunell crying to Sal Paolantonio saying Brady’s cheating ways would hurt UGGs sales, ESPN was a hot take factory. Now, Patriots fans use “What are you, ESPN?” as an insult to lob at media reports they don’t like. Speaking of …

If Deflategate never happened, Chris Mortensen still wouldn’t know it’s possible to delete a tweet.

If Deflategate never happened, the public probably would think Richard Berman is Chris Berman’s well-read, highly successful (and far less sweaty) brother. Instead, the U.S. District Court judge probably will have his own duck boat in the Patriots’ Super Bowl parade after vacating Brady’s four-game suspension. Berman already has free coffee for life.

If Deflategate never happened, the Brady courtroom sketch wouldn’t exist — and poor Jane Rosenberg probably would be able to sleep at night.

If Deflategate never happened, we wouldn’t know Bill Belichick is such a big “My Cousin Vinny” fan.

If Deflategate never happened, we’d know little about ball pressure, PSI or the Ideal Gas Law. Because let’s be honest, no one actually paid attention to that crap in high school science class. There also would be far fewer self-made experts on NFL ball pressure regulations.

If Deflategate never happened, Jim McNally’s bathroom habits never would have been questioned.

If Deflategate never happened, Brady’s emails still would be his own private property. Instead, we got one of the more fascinating looks into No. 12’s life, including his thoughts on Peyton Manning, Mark Brunell and … pool covers.

If Deflategate never happened, we wouldn’t have seen the text messages between Patriots employees Jim McNally and John Jastremski, meaning we’d never know that even Tom Brady’s co-workers talk trash about him behind his back.

If Deflategate never happened, New York tabloid editors would’ve had to find something else to make fun of for the last eight months.

If Deflategate never happened, the idea of calling someone attempting to lose weight “The Deflator” would seem like a ridiculous premise. Actually, that always was ridiculous.

If Deflategate never happened, we wouldn’t have one of the weirdest, most unbelievable, unneeded, ridiculous, over-the-top, exhausting sports stories of all time.

Hopefully, it comes to an end Sunday.

FOURTH AND SHORT
1. Four NFL teams have five wins this season. The four AFC South teams have six wins combined through the first five weeks of the season. Of those six wins, three of them are the Colts’, and all of those came against the other three teams in the division. Of the other three AFC South wins, two came against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and one came against the Miami Dolphins. What a horrible, horrible football division. Is it too late to get some sort of relegation process started?

2. The top four quarterbacks in passer rating are Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, Andy Dalton and Carson Palmer. Their teams are a combined 18-1. Sometimes it’s that simple. The most obvious example of that group might be Dalton, though. He’s having the best season of his career, and it’s not even close. Here’s the most ridiculous Dalton stat, though: Known for choking late in games and late in the season, Dalton has an absurd 154.7 passer rating in the fourth quarter this season. Of course, none of this means anything if Dalton yaks all over his shoes in the divisional round of the playoffs. So the jury’s still out.

3. Todd Gurley is single-handedly making the case for it being OK again to draft a running back in the first round. Gurley has been fantastic since returning to action, especially after the Rams let him loose over the last two weeks. Going up against Arizona and Green Bay, Gurley averaged 6.2 yards per carry. His impact, combined with the Rams’ stout defense, gives them a chance to win every week, but as we saw Sunday in Green Bay, that passing game will be the reason St. Louis probably will miss the playoffs when it’s all said and done.

4. Speaking of rookie running backs, shouldn’t the Seahawks at least think about going with Thomas Rawls as their featured back, even if Marshawn Lynch is healthy? Rawls has been a revelation in place of the injured Lynch, averaging 5.6 yards per carry with the bulk of his workload coming in the last three weeks. The Seahawks have to figure out something, regardless, as they’re sitting at 2-3 and struggling like hell to get anything out of their passing game.

Thumbnail photo via Matthew Emmons/USA TODAY Sports Images