Who Would Win Home Run Derby Among All MLB Managers?

Aaron Boone hit one of the most famous home runs in baseball history, so the Yankees manager’s plans for the big 5-0 are fitting.

Boone turns 50 Thursday, and to celebrate, he’s going to take batting practice, he told reporters at Yankees camp, per the New York Post’s Jon Heyman. Boone said he wants to just hook one down the line and added he celebrated 40 by dunking a basketball.

(Coincidentally, playing basketball is Boone’s second-biggest claim to fame as a player, as both Yankees and Red Sox fans alike will recall.)

Boone’s birthday plans got us thinking, though: If we held a home run derby for big league managers, who would win?

NO CHANCE
Let’s just go ahead and eliminate Bruce Bochy (old), Brian Snitker (old), Buck Showalter (old), Bud Black (pitcher who is also old) and Terry Francona (not just old but would probably somehow find a way to lose three teeth, tear an ACL and have his appendix burst). Royals manager Matt Quataro is out, too, because honestly, we don’t know anything about him, and he just doesn’t *look* like someone who could win this thing. No offense to Matt, of course.

Oh, also Philly’s Rob Thomson is out because again, he doesn’t look the part on top of the fact he hit seven professional home runs while never getting beyond Single-A.

THE FAVORITES
In this very, very hypothetical event, you’d have to think you’re looking for a combination of youth and/or physical fitness plus a proven ability to actually hit baseballs over a fence.

From that regard, San Francisco Giants manager Gabe Kapler would probably have to be the betting favorite. He’s 47 years old but keeps himself in such shape that he looks like he’s 27, and he hit 82 career big league home runs. He’s got the Popeye forearms and nutrition-based endurance, a combination that should have him in the running.

We’d also keep an eye on Los Angeles Angels manager Phil Nevin. He hit 208 career home runs and is still relatively young at 52 years old. He hit some absolute bombs during his day and also is the personification of dad strength. Nevin just looks like the kind of guy who would break your hand just by shaking it. He also has an unquantifiable mix of crazy eyes and lack of neck that make you think he could hit a few dingers in between sips of Budweiser.

Twins skipper Rocco Baldelli is worth consideration, too. He’s just 41 and hit his share of big league home runs. Assuming he could avoid injury long enough to hit a few dingers, he’d be in the running.

THE AL EAST
Boone probably deserves a spot in the favorites category, but let’s lump all the East guys together, as none would be completely shocking winners. Boone checks the boxes of being relatively young and established history as a big league hitter. (Important update: Boone did indeed homer during BP on his birthday.)

This is a youthful bunch. Boone is actually the oldest of the quintet. Three of the five — Boone, Alex Cora and Kevin Cash — played in the big leagues and relatively recently. The two who didn’t, Baltimore’s Brandon Hyde and Toronto’s John Schneider, both look like they could have. Both are fiery, fierce competitors. Both have plenty of girth, with Hyde looking like he spends a 90-minute workout doing nothing but curls and Schneider looking like he could squat a horse. If we made this thing a slow-pitch softball home run derby, their chances would increase exponentially.

IT WOULDN’T BE SHOCKING
Miami’s Skip Schumaker, the Cubs’ David Ross, Oakland’s Mark Kotsay and Detroit’s A.J. Hinch all are relatively young with experience at the highest level. They should be in the conversation on those merits alone, but it’s also hard to make a compelling case for any of them.

THE X-FACTOR
If you went simply by body of work, Astros manager Dusty Baker would be the obvious first choice. No active manager hit more big league home runs than Baker. The problem, though, is at 73, Baker is also the oldest skipper in the bigs. He’s also built like a brick outhouse, so it wouldn’t be shocking to see him muscle a few over the wall. You also wouldn’t have to worry about blisters or sweaty hands, either.

THE PICK
Apologies to those who weren’t mentioned, but let’s get to our pick. In the end, Nevin’s combination of size, skill, age and downright ability to terrify us are too much to ignore.