Brace yourself for the dumbest New England Patriots story you’ll read all week. Maybe all year.

Alright, so, last Friday, “First Take” co-host Cam Newton continued his anti-Patriots bit by calling his former team, which is 9-2 and atop the AFC East, “fool’s gold.” He wrote off New England’s success by pointing toward its soft schedule and the “sorry scrubs” it’s played against.

None of it really was that big of a deal, as Newton’s remarks were on-brand for himself and for “First Take”. Plus, it’s fair to point out the Patriots’ relatively weak schedule.

Nevertheless, the comments became a thing at Gillette Stadium this week. Patriots head coach Mike Vrabel was asked about them on Monday during his weekly WEEI appearance, and Maye asked about them on Wednesday during his own WEEI interview. Vrabel said nothing noteworthy, but Maye, seemingly trying to say nothing, gave an answer that wound up angering Smith.

“I don’t even know what show he’s on,” Maye said of Newton. “I think they get paid to make remarks and make certain comments. So, I just worry about what people in our organization think, and worry about we think and what my teammates think. People are going to have different opinions. I’m just going out there on Sunday and worrying about ourselves.”

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That brings us to Thursday, when Smith responded to Maye’s remarks by going totally off the rails.

“He’s also a s a liar,” Smith said, in his usual pro-wrestling style. “He’s also a liar. ‘Pardon the Interruption’ is the number one show on ESPN, spanning 20-plus (years). ‘First Take’ is the number one morning show, 13 years and counting. April will be 14 years. Don’t tell me you a athlete and you don’t know that. Don’t tell me you a athlete and you don’t know that Cam Newton ain’t on this show. You lying.”

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First of all, the ego on this guy.

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You can’t have it both ways, Steve. You can’t produce transparently hyperbolic, low-brow television, then grandstand on athlete-media ethics when somebody allegedly acts like they don’t know or care about your show. Just laugh it off and move on.

But, second of all, it’s entirely plausible that Maye truly didn’t know what show Newton is on.

ESPN rotates various talent — ex-pro athletes or otherwise — through its deluge of programming with such frequency that it’s impossible to keep up. Maye surely knew that Newton was doing this kind of work, but if you told him that Newton was just a contributor on “Get Up!” or something, he’d probably believe you. You probably could’ve convinced him that Newton is sparring with Nick Wright on FS1 and not with Smith on ESPN. It’s not like Newton has been doing this for that long.

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Believe it or not, that wasn’t even the dumbest part of Smith’s rant.

The 40-million-dollar man then gaslit his co-hosts, his audience, and maybe even himself into believing something happened that didn’t really happen, and that order had to be restored. Smith apparently believes that Newton’s remarks were taken out of context, and that Maye and other athletes should show more respect to people like Newton who forsake lives of luxury and privilege to teach us neophytes about their special games. After all, they’ve blazed the notoriously blocked path for professional athletes to pursue media careers.

“How about athletes looking out for athletes?” Smith said, dead-seriously. “I remember when there was a time when (there) was so much media, that we were saying, ‘Athletes, once you’re not playing anymore, because of your expertise, y’all should be on TV. The opportunity should be there.’ … There’s nothing that I know about football that they (professional athletes) haven’t taught me.

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” … I sit up there and I learn from these folks, the people that played in this game. That, ‘Oh when it’s over, what are we looking for? What do we wanna do?’ And the media offers former professional athletes opportunities that corporate America, for the most part, ain’t doing.”

Here’s the best part:

“But a professional athlete (Maye) is performing because he’s in his feelings, because somebody (Newton) might’ve critiqued him. Or some weak-ass reporter or pundit or radio (host) gonna ask the question out of context. They misquote Cam because, like Cam said, he was talking about the Patriots, not (Maye). And you’re gonna ask the question. Well, ask it accurately instead of misrepresenting Cam Newton.”

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We’ll let the absurdity of Smith’s athlete-media rant speak for itself. But let’s focus on that last part, wherein Smith accuses WEEI host Andy Hart of taking Newton’s remarks out of context.

This is the exact wording of Hart’s question to Maye:

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“Cam Newton said the Patriots are fool’s gold. That was his words, not mine. Do you hear those things, do you react to those things? Any comment on that?”

So, yeah, Smith is the one who took everything out of context. Because of course he was.

Hart didn’t misrepresent Newton’s remarks. Maye wasn’t “in his feelings” about being personally criticized — because he wasn’t being personally criticized. The only one who misrepresented anyone or anything was Smith, who’s the real fool’s gold in this story.

Anyway, firmly in his feelings, Smith finished things off by putting Maye in his place.

“Yo Drake Maye, you (were) at Carolina,” Smith said. “We like what we’re seeing from you now; we didn’t see that last year in New England. We damn sure didn’t see it at North Carolina. This brother right here (Newton) is a national champion.”

Listen, we shouldn’t be surprised that Smith wasn’t aware that Maye was so impressive at UNC that he was selected third overall in the 2024 NFL Draft. We shouldn’t be surprised that Smith wasn’t aware that Maye finished top-10 in last year’s Offensive Rookie of the Year voting despite playing just 11 games for a lame-duck head coach.

He said it himself: “There’s nothing that I know about football.”

Featured image via Kyle Terada/USA TODAY Sports Images