In this day and age, it is hard for any fight to live up to the hype. With the Internet, television and HBO’s 24/7, we know every angle, every plotline, every backstory. We know who’s looking stronger, who drinks his own urine, who gets up earlier to run. We know which trainer is better at playing mind games and whose entourage is bigger. It’s great entertainment, but there’s not much left to the imagination.
That won’t stop millions of boxing fans from shelling out $54.95 to watch the Pacquiao-Cotto fight on pay-per-view. I won’t be one of them. I’ll put the money to better use — like buying groceries — and catch the replay for free.
But just because I won’t be enjoying the Pacquiao-Cotto bout live doesn’t mean I’m averse to spending money on the sweet science. There are still some fights I’d pay to see.
Bill Belichick vs. Rex Ryan
Belichick speaks softly and carries a big right hook. If Ryan isn’t careful, the Patriots’ coach will pull out his bag of Jedi mind tricks.
Scott Boras vs. Every GM in baseball
This one might go 30 rounds, but don’t worry about Boras getting tired. Have you ever seen the superagent negotiate?
Terrell Owens vs. Rodney Harrison
Let’s get ready to put a tent on this circus. Humility will be in shorter supply than oxygen in the Rocky Mountains.
Lou Dobbs vs. George Lopez
One personality just went on the air. The other just went off. After being hit over the head with Dobbs’ immigration spiel, Lopez welcomes the chance to drop the hammer on the populist mouthpiece. For La Raza.
Joe Buck vs. Artie Lange
Mr. Politically Incorrect meets Vanilla Ice Cream in a Leather Coat. Advantage: Authentic edginess.
Kenyon Martin vs. Mark Cuban
No rabbit punches, no shots below the belt and no mama jokes.
Al Davis vs. Mike Shanahan or Jon Gruden or Lane Kiffin or Marcus Allen
The maverick owner of the Raiders has made some enemies over the years. They still hold a grudge.
Pete Rose vs. Bud Selig
It’s good to be the hits king — except when you refuse to show remorse for betting on baseball. The commissioner shouldn’t hold his breath waiting for an apology.
Keith Olbermann vs. Rush Limbaugh
Trash-talk won’t be cheap in this showdown of broadcasters. When it comes to the over-under on insults — prefight, in-fight and postfight — take the over. Neither of these two is ever at a loss for words.
Magic Johnson vs. Isiah Thomas
No-look combinations? Thomas shedding more tears? Pull up a chair, grab your favorite beverage and get comfortable.
Braylon Edwards vs. LeBron James
The Big Apple isn’t big enough for both of them.
Homer Simpson vs. Peter Griffin
Dean Wormer was wrong. Fat, drunk and stupid is a great way to go through life — at least if you’re animated.
Tim McCarver vs. Deion Sanders
Old feuds die hard. Sanders hasn’t forgotten McCarver’s criticism of being a two-sport athlete. McCarver hasn’t forgiven Prime Time for the ice-water baths. Time to find out who’s the real man.
Mike Tyson vs. Any paparazzi
Sensationalism sells, but every photo of a reality TV star or no-talent celebrity that’s bought accelerates the apocalypse. Iron Mike isn’t ready to call it quits.
All this needs now is some promotion. Anybody have a number for Bob Arum, Don King or Oscar De La Hoya?
Let us know who you’d like to see square off in the ring in the comments section below.
