Maybe that’s getting a little carried away there. But how can you not after the riveting spectacle that is the Scripps National Spelling Bee?
OK, so it’s not exactly the same as nine gut-wrenching innings, three high-octane periods or four back-and-forth quarters, but the spelling contest is essentially the culmination of years of strategic game-planning.
These kids might not exactly be pacing the sidelines like Bill Belichick, but they spend more hours with their heads in the dictionary than Ron Jaworski spends in the film room — well, maybe not that much, but close.
In effect, every word is like a Game 7 for the competing bookworms. One slipup, and a chance at glory is washed down the drain — the same that can be said for any bad pitch, bad shot or missed block.
While we may hate to admit it, the kids competing have come across more words in their early adolescence than most of us will in our entire lives.
Well, why don’t we roll up our sleeves then so that we can feel a little better about ourselves in wake of the soul-crushing realization that a 14-year-old has a better grasp on the English language than we do?
Here’s an educational look at the NBA Finals and what each player means going forward.
Boston Celtics
Rajon Rondo — legerdemain (definition: sleight of hand)
In other words, Rondo is deceptive, a true magician with the ball. You never know what he’s got in his bag of tricks on a given night. How else can you explain his uncanny ability to both distribute and pilfer the basketball?
In order for the Celtics to gain an edge in this series, he will have to revert back to his old magic show and pull a rabbit out of his hat like he did in the three previous series against the Heat, Cavaliers and Magic.
Thursday night’s Game 1 against the Lakers was the first time that he failed to record a steal since Game 1 of the Celtics’ second-round series with the Cleveland Cavaliers, which is a main reason the Celtics’ fast break was far from effective.
Ray Allen — mortiferous (definition: deadly)
Allen is just that, lethal in every sense of the word. Unfortunately, he can be deadly for either team, which the Celtics found out the hard way in Game 1.
When Ray Allen is on, he is absolute money. When he is off, which is much rarer, he can make you want to pull your hair out.
Even in the latter scenario, though, you can live with Allen coming off screens and taking an abundance of shots because you can’t help but have the feeling that he can heat up at any given moment.
While the Celtics may struggle to score without an effective Ray Allen, such an occurrence still isn’t exactly the end of the world. What is much more unkind to the Celtics is a night in which Allen can’t stay on the floor.
Rarely do you see Allen get into foul trouble, but that is exactly what happened in Game 1, and it cost the Celtics big time. He only played 27 minutes, and totaled 12 points on 3-for-8 shooting, including 0-for-2 from beyond the arc.
Without Allen in the game, the Celtics lack the outside presence that is necessary to make their penetration more dangerous and effective.
Allen’s presence alone is enough to make the Celtics a better team. When he’s knocking down shots, take cover, because he’s an absolute assassin from outside. When his minutes dwindle due to foul trouble like they did in Game 1, however, so do the Celtics hopes of winning another ring.
Paul Pierce — pantomimist (definition: an actor or dancer in pantomimes, which are ancient Roman dramatic performances featuring a solo dancer and narrative chorus)
Sure, the term “pantomimist” seems a little unorthodox when discussing the game of basketball, and almost seems like a knock on Pierce given the tendency for out-of-town fans to label Pierce as an actor. But let’s face it, his ability to draw a foul and get to the free-throw line, no matter how dramatic it may seem, is simply poetic for Celtics fans.
Pierce was 12-for-13 from the charity stripe in Game 1. Along with Rondo, he needs to continue driving to the lane in order to either get to the line or create an open look for someone else along the perimeter.
Call him an actor, but the guy would have an Emmy. Very few players in the game are better at getting to the line than Pierce, and he needs to do so in order for him, and the Celtics, to be at their best.
Despite all of the talent on the Celtics’ roster, and the emergence of Rajon Rondo in particular, Pierce is still “the guy,” or the pantomimist of the Celtics’ offense so to speak.
Kevin Garnett — vehement (definition: marked by forceful energy, intensely emotional)
You can’t question Garnett’s intensity. Well, you can, but it’s not recommended.
It’s also not recommended to say or do anything to rile up the Big Ticket, which is exactly what Pau Gasol may have done with his comments after Game 1.
Perhaps there is a bit of truth to Gasol’s assertion that Garnett has lost some explosiveness, but don’t bet against him going forward in the series.
KG had a pedestrian 16 points and four rebounds in the Celtics’ Game 1 loss. Something tells us, though, that things may unfold differently in Game 2 and beyond.
Rajon Rondo’s smirk in regards to questions surrounding KG’s decline could mean that Gasol and company may have awoken a sleeping giant, and thus played right into the hands of the Celtics.
Even if Garnett doesn’t perform at the level that he did in 2008, his energy needs to be there every game for the rest of the series to inspire everyone to elevate their game to the max.
Kendrick Perkins — irascible (definition: marked by hot temper and easily provoked anger)
One of the biggest keys to this series is Kendrick Perkins and his internal emotional battle.
Perk is a fiery competitor who sometimes lets the emotions get the best of him. The key for him this series is to find a middle ground. The catch is that this is going to require a tightrope act in which he needs to find a way to play with the same passion and fire that Celtics fans have become accustomed to this season, but without going over the top.
One more technical foul and Perkins will be suspended for a game. That could prove to be huge since the Celtics struggled with the talented frontcourt of Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum in Game 1.
Of course, Perkins needs to keep some of his fire in order to perform at a high level. It is the foundation of his game. Perhaps, what Kevin Nealon said in Happy Gilmore applies here. Perkins needs to “harness in the good energy, block out the bad.” If that means doing a few bull dances, so be it, as long as Perkins is there for every game from here on out.
Los Angeles Lakers
Derek Fisher — sequacious (definition: intellectually servile)
Derek Fisher is one of those guys you really can’t hate, no matter how much you may hate the Lakers. He is their version of Ray Allen.
Fisher is a winner through and through, and he always seems to do what is asked of him — and do it well.
He may be the least-talked-about starter in a star-studded NBA Finals this year, but his ability to hit his free throws and knock down open jumpers when called upon can’t go unmentioned.
Fisher’s offensive ability makes him a dark horse to make a huge impact at some point in this series.
Kobe Bryant — grandiloquent (definition: a lofty, extravagantly colorful, pompous, or bombastic style, manner, or quality especially in language)
Right now, Kobe is L.A., and L.A. is Kobe. And honestly, it’s all been earned.
The Black Mamba is colorful, confident and good, all ingredients in the recipe for hatred. What makes him even more hateable for Boston fans is that he seems to thrive off it.
While there are plenty of keys to victory in this series, and plenty of storylines to follow, the fact of the matter is that the Lakers are Kobe’s team, and he will have to perform like the Hall of Famer that he is. If he does, it will be tough for the Celtics to overcome him and his talented supporting cast.
Kobe already torched the Celtics for 30 points in Game 1, and a few repeat performances could be on the horizon.
Ron Artest — recalcitrant (definition: defiant of authority or restraint, difficult to manage or operate)
While Artest’s tenure in Los Angeles has been smooth as silk thus far, you can’t help but think of how nuts he is every time his name is brought up.
It didn’t take long for Artest to start pushing the envelope in an effort to get under Paul Pierce’s skin in Game 1.
Their battle is one to watch all series and could end in one of two ways. Either Artest successfully gets under Pierce’s skin, plays like the former defensive player of the year that he is, and makes things much much more difficult on the Celtics. Or Artest could push the envelope a bit too far and cost his team at some point.
Stay tuned.
Pau Gasol — vicissitudinous (definition: full of, or subject to, changes)
Sometimes, change is good, and sometimes, change is bad. Other times, change is unbelievable.
That’s what seems to be the case with Lakers forward Pau Gasol.
After being bullied around by the Celtics in the 2008 Finals, Gasol has gone from becoming a very good big man to a great big man, and now plays with a sense of toughness that he previously lacked.
Following Game 1, Celtics head coach Doc Rivers called Gasol the best player on the floor at times. He played all but one minute, finished with 23 points and 14 rebounds, and had his way with the Celtics’ interior post defense.
Will we see more of the “new Gasol” throughout this series, or will his unkind remarks directed at Garnett come back to haunt him?
Gasol played a big game, talked a big game and now needs to play at least three more big games for the Lakers to win this series.
Andrew Bynum — indubitable (definition: too evident to be doubted)
Andrew Bynum’s knee, as was the case in 2008, is a crucial factor for the Lakers. Whenever his name gets brought up, the knee talks soon follow.
Bynum put together a solid effort in Game 1, but his 28 minutes make you wonder if the knee truly is as advertised — which is not a good sign for L.A.
Luckily, the purple and gold have a bona fide NBA starter in Lamar Odom waiting in the wings to play big minutes off the bench.
Bynum’s knee may limit some of his offensive capabilities throughout the series, and be a major concern for the Lakers, but he is too talented to disregard. He is a menace around the rim, and was a major reason for the Lakers’ 42-31 rebound advantage and their 16-0 second-chance point advantage in Game 1.
Nobody knows how this series is going to play out. Anyone who says they do is crazy — and possibly cantankerous. If you don’t know what that means, look it up. The educating for the day is done.
One thing that is 100 percent certain? The series is going to be fun.
It would be nice to find a better, more sophisticated word to describe the rest of the NBA Finals, but sometimes, life is better when simplified.
