The Milwaukee Brewers are sick of being nobodies, and they’re sick of their pets’ heads falling off.
So, when they’re not busy being the best team in the National League, they saddle up for a cross-country road trip in search of being somebodies.
Where do they go, might you ask? Well, they head to a place where beer flows like wine — where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. They head to a little place called … Assspen.
When en route, the Brewers occasionally encounter innocent, ulcer-suffering hitchhikers. And whether they like it or not, those hitchhikers often are forced to endure games of tag which, of course, can’t be won via triple stamping a double stamp.
Here’s what we’re talking about:
Lets hope Brent Suter, Josh Hader and Jeremy Jeffress brought extra pairs of gloves — they’re going to need them.
If they were smart, they would consult with someone who, you know, has been there before.
It remains to be seen how the Brewers fare in their trek to Colorado.
Our pieces of advice: Don’t substitute beer bottles for urinals, and when a busload offbeautiful women ask for travel guides, don’t tell them to turn around.
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