There’s No Way Patriots Players Are Looking Forward To Germany Trip

FOXBORO, Mass. — The New England Patriots are reeling.

They’re 2-7. They basically have zero chance of making the playoffs. They might have both a lame-duck quarterback and a lame-duck head coach. They have multiple players creating headaches on and off the field.

Now, they need to fly halfway around the world to Frankfurt, Germany, where they’ll “host” the Indianapolis Colts on Sunday.

There’s no way the players are looking forward to it. They’re going on a business trip, after all, not a sightseeing, beer hall-romping vacation. There’s a decent chance they’ll go all the way there, nuke their inner clocks and get smoked by the Colts. Their head coach might even get fired on the runway.

Nevertheless, as Thursday evening’s red-eye flight approaches, Patriots players have said all the right things about a trip that, of course, means a great deal to both Robert Kraft and Roger Goodell.

“I mean, look, great opportunity for a lot of us,” special teams captain Matthew Slater said in the locker room after Sunday’s home loss to the Commanders. “Again, nobody should be feeling sorry for us. We’re blessed to be playing this game. We’re blessed to have an opportunity to go there. We should enjoy it.

“We should go out there and play to win. So, we’ll see how it goes.”

A day after New England’s humiliating loss to Washington, Rhamondre Stevenson and Demario Douglas both insisted they were excited to leave the United States for the first time.

“It’s going to be pretty cool,” Stevenson said during a Monday video call. “I’ve never been to Germany, never really been out of the country anywhere. It’s going to be fun to play in front of the German fans.”

Douglas added: “I’m excited. I’ve never been outside of the country, so it will definitely be different for me.”

A trio of team leaders shared similar sentiments Wednesday morning — while wearing new Germany-themed Patriots sweatshirts.

“I think it’s cool,” said Mac Jones, who added he has a “gameplan” to combat jet lag. “It’s a great opportunity for us to go out there and play the game that we love in front of a different crowd. Definitely looking forward to it.”

“I’ve never really traveled far outside of the country,” David Andrews added. “It’s exciting and a cool opportunity. It grows the game and it’s great for the game. Through the announcement and seeing some of the festivities, the fan clubs and stuff, the connection with (Sebastian Vollmer), it’s cool to see how popular the game is worldwide.”

In fairness, Hunter Henry, like Slater, offered a legitimately good quote that put things into proper perspective.

“It’s pretty crazy; a game that I played as a little kid in the backyard, having fun running around, this game is going to take me to a foreign country to play a football game at the highest level,” the Patriots tight end said. “It’s pretty special and it will be a unique atmosphere that we’re all excited for.”

And then there was Bill Belichick, who did his best to sound enthused about the franchise’s first Eurotrip since playing in London in 2012.

“Well, it’s a unique opportunity,” he said during his Wednesday morning news conference. “When it gets here, we’ll look forward to it. Again, the next couple of days, today is a big day for us in terms of preparation, then tomorrow. Then the travel and the weekend’s the weekend and compete on Sunday.”

Then we got this exchange:

Reporter: “Do you know any German?”

Belichick: “I don’t.”

Reporter: “What’s a phrase you want to learn while you’re over there?”

Belichick: “Yeah, I’ll have to do my homework on that one. Let me get back to you on that.”

Reporter: “‘Win’, maybe?”

Belichick: “Yeah, Patriots win? What’s the word for that? I’ve been spoken to in German, just don’t know what was said.”

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By the way, “gewinnen” is “win” in German, while “Sieg” is “victory” and “zwei” is “two.”

So, Die Patriots haben in dieser Saison zwei Siege. Figure it out.

In all seriousness, the Germany trip is pretty cool, especially for fans who get to watch it at 9:30 in the morning. More of that, please.

But it’s unfortunate that one of Sunday’s participants will be a team that not only isn’t worth watching, but also probably doesn’t even want to be there.