Wrong Answers Only: 3 Aaron Rodgers Landing Spots Coming Out of 'Darkness Retreat'..


Feb 20, 2023

To put it mildly, Aaron Rodgers is a guy who marches to the beat of his own drum. Some people love him; some people not so much. Misunderstood – maybe. Eccentric – sure. Unique – OK. Highly skilled – definitely.

You’ve probably heard by now that Rodgers is going on a ‘darkness retreat.’ If you don’t know what a darkness retreat is, you’re not alone, but it appears to be something between meditation and going eyes wide shut for four days. As Rodgers said on The Pat McAfee Show! “I’m probably going to have a better sense of where I am at in my life.”

We already know his talent, surgically carving up defenses, but is getting away from it all secretly a transitional learning opportunity? It got us wondering about the transferable skills and abilities the mystifying quarterback could gain in the dark to apply to a different career next year if he hangs up his cleats.

Abstract Artist

Andy Warhol painted soup cans, and George Costanza got stuck with triangles, so who is to say Rodgers putting what he sees out there on canvas does not rock art galleries from Green Bay to Berkeley? Are you telling me you wouldn’t line up to see this?

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Lead Role in Chronicles of Riddick 4

The first movie in this series, Pitch Black, came out in 2000 when Vin Diesel introduced audiences to the lead character Riddick. An antihero who can see in the dark thanks to surgically altered eyes. It became a cult classic and spawned sequels, video games, novels, and comic books.

A fourth movie has been in development since 2014, with Diesel attached, but actors are regularly swapped out of the role in franchises. From Keanu Reeves to Jason Patric in Speed/Speed 2 to Marvel recasting the Hulk and Iron Man’s buddy “Rhodey” to Diesel himself being replaced by Ice Cube in the xXx series. 

Rodgers already has a few acting creds, like playing himself as a singing competition judge in the Office so he might have the chops.

If you’ve ever banged into the first obstacle on your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night but saw the second clearer, you know how our eyes adjust to the dark. Depending on how long this retreat lasts, Rodgers could potentially method-act his way to an Oscar.

Seasonal Handyman in Alaska

This retreat is said to have Rodgers in a one-room house in a secluded area, isolated for several days in the dark. I don’t know about you, but this place sounds like a fixer-upper to me.

When Rodgers has been going through midseason practices, walk-throughs, and leading the Packers to NFC North division leads in most Novembers, some places in Alaska start getting super cold and dark the same month.

As Rodgers tossed three picks in a Week 9 loss in Detroit last season to drop Green Bay to 3-6, Barrow, Alaska, a town 330 miles north of the Arctic Circle, was spending their November 6th getting prepped for Polar night, the start of the dark season. Only their ‘Retreat of Darkness’ is not by choice and will last the entire month.

The northernmost town in the state has had as many as 67 days without sun.

Now to the cold. Playing in Green Bay all those years, in temperatures as low as three degrees Fahrenheit, has undoubtedly already acclimated the Immunized One to the cold. Barrow frequently reaches daytime temperatures in the single digits during football’s third month of the season.

So while Rodgers won’t be able to scroll his phone through his own NFL.com stats page, watch a mixtape of his career highlights on the plasma, or even read a copy of Alaskan Handyman for Dummies, nothing is saying he can’t channel his inner Bob Villa. The one-room house, with a toilet, bathtub, and mail slot, aka food delivery hole, could undoubtedly use some sprucing up.

***Dad Joke Alert***

If A-Rodg wasn’t already polarizing enough, here’s his big break. No. 12’s own drum, please play me a rimshot. I’ll see myself out.

Thumbnail photo via USA TODAY Sports Images

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