Our hero is the fan who spent Wednesday night's Celtic-Pistons affair allegedly peppering Glen Davis with incessant shouts of "Fat Boy!" and "Lose some weight, Chubs!" until Big Baby finally broke. By now, you may have heard, Davis fired back with his own, um, command, to Mr. Zack that was audible on radio and TV broadcasts.
So why do we salute this guy? Is it because he showed real perseverance? Is it that he obviously gives his heckling 110 percent, bringing it for four quarters no matter how strained his voice or relations with surrounding fans become?
Is it because he’s obviously very good at his life’s calling? I mean, how many professional hecklers do you know that can get their existence acknowledged during a live game?
Is it because he was kind enough to do Mr. Davis a favor by letting him know that there are several health risks that arise from being overweight?
No. We salute Scott Zack because he had the audacity — nay, the cojones — to actually file a complaint with NBA security afterward.
Sir, congratulations. You got some brass ones.
This would be like kicking someone in the shin repeatedly, then acting surprised when that same person punches you in the face. Or throwing a series of small rocks at an angry pit bull, then calling animal control with outrage when it bites. Or sleeping with women all over the country, never thinking your wife may take a nine iron to your jaw. You tend to get what you deserve in this life. (I worked on those similes for a while and welcome any additions if you can improve on them.)
And it was in Detroit, no less! History tells us you can incite a riot and occasionally get cold-cocked by NBA players if you are a jerk there.
This guy doesn’t care. He’s Scott Zack, dammit. How dare another human being disrespect his aura even if he is currently pooping on the other’s.
Now, you’ll read many an epistle bashing Baby, and they will all be right. As his own coach acknowledged, No. 11 has some maturity issues to deal with, and professional athletes are always the bad guy when they bite back. Athletes with these paychecks and, more importantly, this exposure cannot allow themselves to "break the barrier" between the game and the idiot in Row 3 (no matter how badly Rows 2 through 6 want to backhand the little jerk).
But this space, at this time, is simply glad to reflect on the wonder that is Scott Zack. Apparently, man it’s your world, and today is your day.
Your family must be very proud.