Jose Canseco Stars in Bizarre, Yet Oddly Captivating ‘Secret’ Old Milwaukee Commercials (Videos)

Old Milwaukee and Jose Canseco. It's a match made in heaven.

The beer company teamed up with the former MLB slugger for its latest line of TV spots, which ran on Monday night during the Home Run Derby. However, as Deadspin points out, the commercials only ran in the Kansas City market.

This isn't a new thing for Old Milwaukee, though. They did a similar thing during the Super Bowl when they ran a commercial starring Will Ferrell in just one TV market in Nebraska. 

The Canseco spots, which are jampacked with intentional irony as well as awkward moments, feature the slugger giving his best pitch for the beer. They also have a brilliant mid-80s beer commercial feel to them which make them even better.

Let's go to the tape.

Commercial No. 1

  • If you're trying to sell beer, there's probably a better selling point to be had than "You can pulverize our product with a baseball bat."
  • Can't you just picture Canseco watching this commercial and muttering to himself "Nailed it," after watching the part where he smoothly spins around?
  • "We dragged the sport through the mud" doesn't sound nearly as bad when that majestic music is playing over the video.
  • "Some of us had the stones to admit it. Some of us … did not." The head movement here on the awkward "did not" is the stuff of Hollywood legends. Furthermore, wouldn't it have been awesome if he continued on to say "Some of us even had the stones to write a tell-all book about it" or something?
  • "It's back. Baseball's back. I'm back. Why not?" Does this make any sense to anyone?
  • A baseball, a baseball glove and a cold beer is so American it hurts.

Commercial No. 2

  • Jose may not be able to swing the bat like he used to, but man can he spin around.
  • Coincidentally, this looks like a commercial from 1985.
  • "Everyone says you went into a slump" is a nice way of saying "Your team has sucked for the last quarter of a century."
  • The "You didn't go into a slump" remark is so darn reassuring. If only Royals fans desperate for any sort of relevance had seen this before booing Robinson Cano for not selecting Billy Butler in the Home Run Derby…
  • "Sometimes last place is first place."  Ricky Bobby is so utterly confused by this. 
  • Canseco's inability to open the can is almost certainly staged. If there's any sort of comedic god, however, it is not. 
  • Where does one get a "Canseco" jersey?
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