First, let’s be clear about this: Goatees are acceptable for some men. Some guys look good with them.
Most, however, do not, and that class usually includes professional athletes or anyone who’s gotten away without growing one for a number of years. In those cases, goatees are punts, or a pointed way to tell admirers to go away.
So Tiger Woods, find a way to get that endorsement deal back with Gillette. There’s just something about growing a goatee that tells your fans — especially the female ones — that you’re not trying to take the green in one anymore.
That’s how we get to Rob Gronkowski. The famed partier was on ESPN on Wednesday morning for a chit-chat, and he appeared to have sprouted some new whiskers. While Gronkowski’s goatee is less of a middle-aged chip-in and more of a David Beckham-like Three Musketeers look, it’s still a goatee. On Gronk. On the great Rob Gronkowski.
Worse yet, Gronkowski’s plumage seems to indicate that, as we feared, not only is the Summer of Gronk over, but the Winter of Gronk won’t be allowed to continue, either. After Patriots coach Bill Belichick sent a shot across his star tight end’s bow, a goateed Gronk may be the best we can get for a while.
Speaking of Gillette, we hear that the Pats have a hookup with the razor-makers….