Warning: Never Assume Ozzie Guillen is an NFL Fan

Warning: Never Assume Ozzie Guillen is an NFL Fan Let’s get one thing straight: Ozzie Guillen does not like football.

He also does not like his team when his team shows an affinity for football.

For quite some time now, the White Sox have been playing like a team that has been dreaming about playing golf in October. While the Twins and the Tigers battle tooth and nail for dominance in the AL Central, Chicago has been asleep at the wheel. Four years removed from a World Series championship, the White Sox have looked lost throughout most of 2009, and they’re OK with it.

So while they wait for the offseason, why not brush up those fantasy football skills?

Better yet, if you’re looking for a surefire way to drive the White Sox’ manager certifiably insane, watch football in the clubhouse and witness the entertaining display of verbal fireworks that ensues.

In other news, the Celtics and the Bruins resurface from hibernation, Rodney Harrison proves he doesn't need to hide behind Twitter, and Josh Beckett comes up with yet another creative, non-blister related excuse for missing a start.

“If they think the season's over for them, yes. If they think it's over for me, no. I want to make it clear: There's a bunch of [expletives] out there watching football games like a piece of [expletive] with no pride. By the way they [expletive] play, that's embarrassing. If you don't have pride about the way you play, get another job. I'm not in a pennant race, but at least I have some pride. When you get [to the clubhouse] and turn on a stupid-ass football game, when those [expletive] football players don't give a [expletive] about you, that's embarrassing.”
–White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, on ESPN, on his team’s lackluster play after being eliminated from the playoff race

"When it comes down to it, I'm a champion. He'll never have that on his resume. He'll never be a champion. He'll look at his stats and say I was a great football player, but I was never a champion."
–Former Patriots safety Rodney Harrison, on SI.com, on being bashed via Twitter by Buffalo’s Terrell Owens

"Three different crappy beds on the road, one getting in at 5 o'clock in the morning. I just don't think that all that stuff really sat well with my back. It was unfortunate that you wake up on the day you start and don't really feel well enough to be able to do that. I think we made the right decision. I feel a lot better today."
–Red Sox pitcher Josh Beckett, on Boston.com, on the culprit for his recent back spasms

"It's still attached, so we're going in the right direction.”
–Red Sox pitcher Jon Lester, in the New York Daily News, on his knee after it was struck by a Melky Cabrera line drive last week

"I like our chances. It doesn't matter how you do it, as long as you're in”
–Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia, on NESN, after the Red Sox backed into the playoffs with a Rangers loss to the Angels

"I thought I was going to stay in Cleveland. I made it clear I would stay, but the owner [Larry and Paul Dolan] was thinking something different. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't Mark Shapiro's fault or Eric Wedge's fault. But the owner wanted to take a different route."
–Red Sox catcher Victor Martinez, on Ohio.com, on his desire to stay in Cleveland instead of being traded to Boston

"These games happen.  But it's nice to get it out of the way when it really doesn't mean anything."
–Yankees outfielder Nick Swisher, in the New York Post, on losing 13-4 to the Rays after clinching the AL East

"Whenever I dunk on Kendrick Perkins. If I can catch him on a lob or something, then I know I am back to 100 percent."
–Celtics guard Tony Allen, on Boston.com, on when he’ll know he is fully recovered from ankle and thumb injuries

"Everything went well today. I thought [coach] Doc [Rivers] was trying to kill me for a little bit, but it was the first day of camp and it being my 15th and everything, it went well. It was fun to get back out there with the guys, go through the drills and just compete."
–Celtics forward Kevin Garnett, on Boston.com, on his first practice after having knee surgery

“You really don’t know these people away from TV or music or whatever they do, especially the people of influence, so when you see them in this light, it’s like, ‘Man, they really do care about what’s going on in America.’ ’’
–Celtics forward Paul Pierce, on Boston.com, on his motives for participating in Bill Clinton’s Global Initiative

“Probably one of those nights when we had too many good players at their worst.’’
–Bruins head coach Claude Julien, in The Boston Globe, following the Bruins’ opening-night loss to Washington

“Your whole existence for four months during college football season is traveling and studying, and you’re constantly on edge, and yet if I get 3 1/2 hours sleep, I’m pumped. It’s probably not for everyone, but for me, it’s an adrenaline rush.’’
–ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit, in the Globe, on his life as a college football analyst

"To have the president of the United States and his wife personally appear, then this should happen in the first round is awful and totally undeserving."
–Senior Australian IOC member Kevan Gosper, on SI.com, after Chicago was the first potential site to be eliminated from contention as the 2016 Olympic Games site

"When you put him on the field in a one-on-one workout session, he'll make every throw for you. But when it comes down to making things happen in the heat of the battle and rallying the troops around you and making a case for the team, that's where maybe things aren't where they need to be."
–Former Raiders quarterback Jeff Garcia, on FoxSports Radio, on current Raiders QB JaMarcus Russell

"I think she's probably sleeping more soundly tonight than she has since these videos surfaced.”
–Attorney Marshall Grossman, on ESPN.com, regarding Erin Andrews after the arrest of the man suspected of taping and releasing inappropriate “peephole” videos of her

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