We Asked ChatGPT To Draft All-Time Best Patriots At Each Position

Skip Bayless, Mike Felger, Stephen A. Smith… ChatGPT?

As it turns out, robots are as capable of churning out sports hot takes as their living, breathing talking-head counterparts.

With Mike Vrabel recently announced as the newest member of the Patriots Hall of Fame, we figured it would be a good time to reassess the best players at each position in New England’s history. But, you see, we were too lazy to come up with a list ourselves — so we recruited the help of ChatGPT, Open AI’s globally popular artificial intelligence chatbot.

Specifically, we asked Chatty to “draft the all-time best Patriots players at every position.” Before presenting the list, it clarified that its results were “based on statistical analysis, individual achievements, and team success.”

We also should note that ChatGPT initially gave one player for each position before we asked it to include two. So, the first player listed at each position should be considered ChatGPT’s pick for the greatest Patriots player at that spot.

Anyway, here’s the list:

OFFENSE
QB: Tom Brady, Steve Grogan
RB: Curtis Martin, Kevin Faulk
WR: Randy Moss, Wes Welker
TE: Rob Gronkowski, Ben Coates
OT: Bruce Armstrong, Matt Light
OG: John Hannah, Logan Mankins
C: Jon Morris, Dan Koppen

We have no gripes with the picks at quarterback, tight end, tackle and guard. The centers are fine, too, although we can argue for David Andrews getting the nod over Koppen. However, there could be some healthy debate over the choices for receiver and running back.

ChatGPT clearly is giving extra credit for NFL-wide historical standing, as both Moss and Martin spent just three full seasons with the Patriots but are considered some of the greatest players in NFL history at any position. Welker deserves to be on this list, but we probably would’ve gone with Stanley Morgan, Troy Brown or Julian Edelman over Moss. Faulk also is a worthy inclusion, but James White, Jim Nance and Sam Cunningham all accomplished more in a Patriots uniform than Martin did. That said, Martin still has the fourth-most rushing yards in Patriots history, so his spot on this list isn’t totally without merit.

DEFENSE
DE: Willie McGinest, Andre Tippett
DT: Vince Wilfork, Richard Seymour
LB: Tedy Bruschi, Nick Buoniconti
CB: Ty Law, Mike Haynes
S: Rodney Harrison, Lawyer Milloy

This is tricky. ChatGPT probably should’ve listed McGinest and Tippett as outside linebackers/edge players, but instead, both earned spots as defensive ends, the position at which Seymour should be listed. It also didn’t differentiate between inside and outside linebackers, resulting in the ommissions of both Vrabel and Steve Nelson. Nevertheless, each player listed at defensive end, defensive tackle and linebacker is worthy of a spot, even though Tippett shouldn’t be ranked behind anyone.

As for cornerback, we have no issues with ChatGPT’s picks, although Raymond Clayborn fans might have a bone to pick. Lumping free safeties and strong safeties together was an ill-advised move, as was the complete disrespect for Devin McCourty.

SPECIAL TEAMS
K: Stephen Gostkowski, Adam Vinatieri
P: Rich Camarillo, Tom Tupa
ST: Matthew Slater, Larry Izzo

If you say Vinatieri should be ahead of Gostkowski, we won’t argue with you. We also could make a case for Ryan Allen making it in over Tupa. Other than that, ChatGPT’s picks for all-time Patriots special teamers are fine.

Well, there you have it.

All in all, your future boss/United States President did a mostly solid job of drafting an all-time Patriots team. There are some things we disagree with, but it’s not like Cyrus Jones made the list or anything.

Also, while you’re here, be sure to listen to the Patriots-themed rap song — with AI-replicated Bill Belichick vocals — that ChatGPT made for us a few months ago.