The New York Giants are dealing with plenty of drama this offseason. As defending Super Bowl champions, they’ve got a big target on their backs heading into this year, and a Week 1 loss to the Dallas Cowboys certainly didn’t help matters.
What really could be derailing their season, however, is the loss of a loved one in the Giants family: offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride‘s mustache.
While ordinarily you would think the facial hair of a coach is nothing of note, the New York Times would disagree with you. So much so, that the Times’ Sam Borden wrote a hilarious obituary for GIlbride’s mustache.
Gilbride trimmed his whiskers during the Giants preseason, according to the Times, when he was distracted during a conversation with another coach. After he accidentally cut off half of the ‘stache, he had no choice but to “euthenize” the entirety of it, prompting some somber responses from his players.
“It was just shocking,” backup quarterback David Carr said. “I
think it’s bigger than if it happened to Tom Selleck, honestly.”
That might seem like high praise, but Gilbride’s whiskers are no ordinary ones. The chairman of the American Mustache Institute has described the mustache in question as “a perfect example” of a Chevron style of mustache, which according to the Times is “your standard-issue, law enforcement-style mustache.”
Even fans have taken note, especially after the Giants started this season slow. One party supply company sent the coach a fake replacement, and then followed up with a second, larger shipment after the team’s loss to the Cowboys.
The coach, however, is not too worried about his new look jinxing anything.
“Believe me,” Gilbride said, “if I knew that was why we won the Super Bowls, I’d wear them.”
Bye bye, hockey. Please, hurry back soon.
“This is the weakest roster we’ve ever had in September in the history of baseball. We can use help everywhere.”
— Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine, not holding back
Yes, it’s certainly been quite the compelling race between Mike Trout, Miguel Cabrera, Adrian Beltre and Derek Jet— HEY WAIT A MINUTE!
— Bob Nightengale (@BNightengale) September 15, 2012
No idea what the Oakland A’s are doing here, but it appears to be working.