Yes, a lot of it has to do with the fact that the Red Sox are already home … on the proverbial golf course … warming up the proverbial bus … on the express train to Loserville — whatever negative sentiment you Yankee-loving scoundrels might be thinking up. Yes, maybe that makes me (and lots of other Red Sox fans) a bad sport.
And no, I'm not going to change.
Even as a native of New York State (I'm from way upstate … God forbid I was ever associated with that God-awful city downstate!) I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I ever — and I mean ever — rooted for the Yankees. Want proof? I was rooting against the Yankees — loudly — in the post-Sept. 11 World Series in 2001.
And the Angels? Not a chance. Not after ruining the Red Sox' season in their cruel and uncaring three-game ALDS sweep. No way. Not while that wound is still so fresh.
So even after catching bits and pieces of Monday's Game 3 in Anaheim … (hang on one second, let me check the final score … oh, the Angels won in 11 innings? … ugh, that's one game longer this series will have to go!) … I came up with 10 things I'd rather do than watch another game from the 2009 ALCS.
1. Undergo root canal surgery. If there's one thing in the world that makes me shudder with queasiness, it's the sound of Dr. Spaceman revving up that drill of his.
2. Pay $2,000 for a Bob Uecker-seat ticket to the new Yankee Stadium and sit — scantily clad — in the rain, snow, sleet, hail and other God-wrought fury that fell upon the Bronx during Saturday night's five-hour, 10-minute Game 2. Next to Alex Rodriguez's new chickadee Kate Hudson. Then try to get home. Via the New York City subway system.
3. Watch another commercial for George Lopez's new show. Seriously, George? I'm sure you remember last year's ads for Frank Caliendo's Frank TV. And I'm sure you also remember how long that show lasted. Good luck.
4. Stare at the Denver Broncos AFL throwback socks after eating a block of warm, semi-rotten cheese and taking a ride on Mind Eraser at Six Flags New England.
5. Explore the players the Red Sox may be pursuing this winter. Will it be Adrian Gonzalez? Rich Harden? Miguel Tejada? C'mon Theo, just tell us who you're going after already! We've done plenty of prognosticating since the end of the Red Sox' season. And their season's been over for seven days.
6. Consider the following: Rhode Island is neither a road nor an island. Discuss.
7. Transcribe Bill Belichick's news conferences. I love the way the guy coaches. I even love his wardrobe. But if I hear another non-answer answer, I'm gonna tear my hair out. "No, sorry, I can't answer that question." Yes you can, Coach Belichick. You're the coach. You have "Coach" in your name. If anyone can answer the question, it's you.
8. Fake everyone into thinking that I'm taking a long silver-balloon ride over Colorado. Then talk to Wolf Blitzer about it. Good times.
9. Watch American Idol. No, I know there's no current season going on now, but I assume there's a new one coming soon. If there's anything on television today that is undoubtedly the work of Satan, Idol is it. And yes, I'd rather see Adam Lambert do a Barbra Streisand montage and listen to Simon, Randy and Paula (she's still on the show, right?) laud his rendition of "Woman in Love" before I watch another inning of Joe Girardi walking out to the mound … again … to pull another reliever with a 2-0 count.
10. Go suit shopping with TBS's Craig Sager. OK, there are two things in this world that make me shudder with queasiness.
