With Arrested Devlopment making a comeback this week on Netflix, I figured there was no better way to review the Patriots’ offseason workouts than by using some of the best references from the show’s first three wonderful seasons.
There’s a lot you can take away from Arrested Development, like that “there’s always money in the banana stand” and that you always need to leave a note, or else a one-armed man will teach you a lesson.
So let’s go through some of the show’s best references.
Really Patriots? You had to give Aaron Dobson the cursed No. 17? Come on!
The number given out to the Patriots second-rounder has previously been worn by many a wide receiver who couldn’t immediately grasp the playbook and weren’t around for long, like Chad Jackson and Taylor Price. Now it’s been handed out to another speedy rookie wide receiver who will be expected to learn the New England offense by the time the season breaks.
Obviously Dobson is his own player, but Patriots fans may shudder when they see the Marshall product take the field for the first time in his new digs. This could also be the case where the third time is the charm for No. 17. Jackson, Price and Dobson were all second- or third-rounders over 6-foot with 4.4 or better speed. If Dobson can succeed, he can make the number his own.
That is, if John Friesz (another short-lived Patriot to wear the number) will let him have it.
There’s Always Money in the Banana Stand
In this case “the banana stand” is undrafted free agents. The Patriots spent the most money out of any team on rookie free agents, and handed out hefty signing bonuses to T.J. Moe and Elvis Fisher.
The Patriots have typically found success each season with at least one undrafted player. In 2012, Justin Francis, Brandon Bolden, Marcus Forston and Markus Zusevics were all able to stick around all season. In 2011, Alex Silvestro and Jeff Tarpinian got some valuable playing time.
This season, Moe and Fisher got the heftiest contracts, but defensive tackles Cory Grissom and Joe Vellano may have the best shot at making the roster with Kyle Love and Brandon Deaderick gone.
To the Patriots’ defense whenever Rob Gronkowski is able to take the field again. Gronkowski has dealt with ankle, back and forearm troubles and has probably spent more time in hospitals this offseason than he has partying.
Gronkowski may need back surgery before the season starts, and if that’s the case, there may be a strict “no touching” rule until Week 6. Ian Rapoport of NFL Network suggested the Patriots put Gronkowski on the PUP list if he needs surgery.
Fortunately, the team has Aaron Hernandez, Jake Ballard, Daniel Fells, Michael Hoomanawanui and Zach Sudfeld to take his place at practice.
George Sr.’s Cornballer was a failed experiment, just as the signing of track star Jeff Demps was for the Patriots.
Demps decided to pursue football as a hobby after he had already signed in New England. Obviously that kind of mentality wasn’t going to be popular around Gillette Stadium.
The Demps era was short-lived, but exciting (Demps siren!). Now the only reminder we’ll have of Demps’ time in New England is LeGarrette Blount, who the Patriots received in a trade for Demps and a seventh-round pick.
That’s Why You Always Leave a Note
This goes out to Brandon Spikes, who hopefully left a note for Bill Belichick, or else the Patriots’ head coach may send out a one-armed man to teach the linebacker a lesson.
Spikes is missing voluntary OTAs to workout on his own during the offseason. While that’s not normally a headline with other NFL teams, it’s rare for a high-profile Patriots player to miss the voluntary sessions. If Spikes comes back in great shape and immediately falls back into his role as middle linebacker, it will be a forgotten storyline.
Banana stand photo via Facebook/Arrested Development