There’s Vladmir Putin, then Wayne Gretzky, then a giant pile of steaming dog crap, and then there’s everybody else.
We’ll focus on the dog crap another time. For now, let’s focus on Putin, who might be one of the smoothest skaters of his generation.
You see, when he’s not busy sneaking his way into foreign elections, the Russia President spends his time sneaking pucks through goalies’ five-holes. Every year, Putin puts his world-class hockey skills on display in a highly anticipated exhibition game. As you probably could’ve guessed, he plays for the “Legends” team alongside the likes of Slava Fetisov and Pavel Bure, who are inferior to Mother Russia’s leader but still great in their own right.
Anyway, Putin put on an absolute clinic Friday, scoring several goals (all of which were totally legit) in his team’s convincing victory. Russia State Media credited Putin with 10 goals in the 14-7 win, while The Associated Press gave him a mere eight tallies.
Who knows? Who cares?
All we know is there’s no way in hell that the opposing team simply allowed Putin to score this goal:
That guy that started skating in the other direction once Putin skated into the slot? Kind of suspicious, to be sure, but you’d too the same if you were tasked with stopping the Russian equivalent of Maurice “Rocket” Richard.
Now, we mentioned Putin is a natural on skates, and we weren’t kidding. After putting on a performance for the ages, the 66-year-old took a victory lap around the ice.
And as you’ll see in the video below, absolutely nothing went wrong.
???????? ??????, ????????!
Honestly, it’s hard to go back to watching the Stanley Cup playoffs after seeing hockey performed at such an extraordinary high level. Perhaps one day Putin will share all the secrets to his sorcery.