NESN

Patriots Rookie Punter Zoltan Mesko Killed the Dinosaurs, and 22 Other Zoltanisms

By now, you know Patriots rookie Zoltan Mesko was the only punter to be named captain in Michigan history. You probably also know he was the first specialist drafted last month when the Patriots selected him in the fifth round.

Mesko, who is 6-foot-5 and 231 pounds, first dunked a basketball in the eighth grade and also speaks four languages.

Again, you might have already known that. But here are a few factoids about Zoltan Mesko that you probably didn’t know — just call them, “Zoltanisms.”

–Zoltan Mesko once found Carmen Sandiego and Waldo in the same game of hide and seek.

–Zoltan Mesko once installed a functional elevator in a one-story house.

–It was Zoltan Mesko who let the dogs out.

–While others at the NFL draft combine were asked to bench press 225 pounds, Zoltan Mesko volunteered to bench press Gillette Stadium. And he did it … 16 times.

–Zoltan Mesko killed the dinosaurs.

–Zoltan Mesko divided by zero equals pain.

–Thousands of years ago, Zoltan Mesko correctly predicted Armageddon in 1990, the year in which Rocky V was released.

–Earth was created after Zoltan Mesko sneezed from the planet Marklar, and the crumbs between his teeth collected to form a planet.

–Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Zoltan Mesko.

–Zoltan Mesko engaged in a staring contest with the Lincoln Memorial and won.

–FOX originally asked Zoltan Mesko to star in 24 but Zoltan Mesko hates wasting time.

–Zoltan Mesko beat Bobby Fischer in a game of chess, but Zoltan Mesko was using Checkers.

–Zoltan Mesko’s left leg has been classified by the United Nations as a weapon of mass destruction.

–Zoltan Mesko’s stairway to heaven is merely a stepstool.

–Zoltan Mesko can watch Brian’s Song without crying.

–Meteor showers don’t exist. You’re just witnessing Zoltan Mesko’s annual punting clinic on Pluto.

–Zoltan Mesko once got on a treadmill in Michigan and ran to California.

–Zoltan Mesko could finish painting the entire Golden Gate Bridge before the other side is done drying.

–There is only one Wonder of the World: Why has Zoltan Mesko allowed us to remain in existence?

–Zoltan Mesko framed Roger Rabbit.

–Chris Webber had all of his timeouts, until Zoltan Mesko stole them.

–Zoltan Mesko and Donald Trump played a one-on-one game of Monopoly using U.S. currency, and Mesko won.

–Zoltan Mesko once listened to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” and managed not to sing along.

–Air Force One doesn’t fly. Zoltan Mesko punts it to its destination.