Been on top of the world three times? Check. Graced the cover of too many magazines to count? Check. Forged bonds with Mark Wahlberg and Kevin Dillon? Check. Procreated with both a Hollywood star and the world’s top supermodel? Check.
No, it’s not Kevin Federline. It’s Tom Brady.
It may appear that he’s lived a full 32 years and done just about every awesome thing the world has to offer, but think again. There is plenty left for this dashing young quarterback to accomplish in his life before he hangs up his helmet, but we narrowed it down to 10 for you.
Let the games begin.
10. Fly to the moon, jump out of planes and bungee jump off cliffs.
They may be on Tim McGraw’s bucket list, but they’re not among Brady’s priorities at the moment. In fact, he made it perfectly clear that he never, ever wants to skydive or do anything else, really, except play football. Back in June, before he stepped on a practice field and assured fans he’s still the same Brady he was pre-Bernard Pollard, he proved it via a few choice words, telling Sports Illustrated’s Tom Verducci, “It’s so hard to think of anything that would match what I do: Fly to the moon? Jump out of planes? Bungee jump off cliffs? None of that s— matters to me. I want to play this game I love, be with my wife and son and enjoy life.”
But once Brady’s done playing the game he loves, flying to the moon could make for an entertaining hobby.
9. Take acting lessons.
His appearance on Entourage was funny — but it was painfully obvious that when Brady filmed his episode, he had no idea how much screen time he was getting. Otherwise, he would have acted like he had a pulse. He may have been kind of believable if he had, I don’t know, reacted when Johnny Drama pounded Brady’s driver into the ground, snapping it in two.
It’s always a bad sign when anyone gets out-acted by Marky Mark, but this took things to a new level. Bill Belichick could have (actually, he has) done a better job.
8. Let Mike Vick doggie-sit.
Brady’s a busy man. So there may come a day when he just has so many games to win and photographers to please that he can’t adequately care for Gisele’s dozens of palm-sized pooches. The wifey surely wouldn’t mind if he passed off duties to someone else. She may not be thrilled about Tommy leaving her dogs with Vick at first, but hey, when a guy’s in a bind and has a film session, commercial shoot or bungee-jumping lesson to get to, what else is he to do?
Furthermore, Vick will be looking to revamp his image since he signed with the Eagles. This would give him a positive PR hit and help out the NFL’s most fashionable couple.
7. Run for office.
It is obvious that Tom Brady was put on earth to do two things: Win 4,000 Super Bowls for the New England Patriots and become President of the United States. Once he’s done connecting with Randy Moss on the field, he can hire a really good speechwriter, run for governor of California and gear up for life on Pennsylvania Ave. A big plus? He has already been known to charm reporters in his postgame pressers. Also, when Michelle Obama‘s job is done, the tabloids will need a new First Lady to fill full-page fashion spreads. Gisele could fill that void.
6. Serve as a guest judge on American Idol.
Now that Paula’s out of the picture, Randy, Simon and Kara are in the market for a new panel companion. Brady is an obvious choice: He would maintain Paula’s sensitive, nurturing aura, but he’d be honest. During the first round of Season 8, he totally would’ve called out Danny and Kris for being posers and invited Adam to sing the national anthem at Gillette.
Plus, Idol judging is in vogue right now: Professional sports’ other First Couple (well, half of it) is doing it.
5. Endorse MasterCard.
Peyton Manning did a pretty good job teaching the Foxborough faithful to chant, “Cut that meat!” In fact, he may be unbeatable in the game of marketing. But just like Brady came on the NFL scene and showed Peyton how it’s done in the playoffs, he’s capable of doing the same in MasterCard spots. After all, he’ll need some kind of gig to put those acting lessons to the test.
4. Lead a kayaking expedition on the Charles.
Let’s face it: June’s incident was a bit embarrassing. A hunter/fisherman/outdoorsman extraordinaire like Peyton would never be caught dead capsizing in a kayak. So Brady needs to redeem himself on the water, or at least prove he can get back in the boat without help from a Charles River attendant.
3. Sign on for a VH1 reality show.
T.O. is doing it. Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett are doing it. We all know where this is headed.
Gisele and Tom clearly don’t care about their privacy, and right now, their market value is skyrocketing. Everyone is dying to know how they’ll fare in their first year as a married couple, or how John Edward Thomas will deal with another little one in the house, or whether Gisele or Tom has more magazine covers hanging in frames on the walls. This is a cash cow just waiting to happen.
2. Ditch Randy Moss for Usain Bolt.
Randy Moss is good. He’ll tell you, if you don’t already know.
So will Usain Bolt. The record-setting sprinter has done all he can do on the track. Now it’s time for something new, and why not join the NFL’s best franchise as a wide receiver/punt returner? Even if he can’t catch, he can pull a Forrest Gump, take handoffs and just “run, Usain, run!”
Before you hate, consider this: Bill Belichick didn’t rule it out. At training camp on Monday, the coach said, “Over the course of my career, I’ve coached those kinds of players, those kinds of sprinters and those kinds of athletes.”
Let’s make it happen, Kraft.
1. Win Super Bowl No. 4.
It’s been three years. It’s time for another one. Enough said.
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